30 Aug 2025

August 2025 – ‘The Distortion Diaries’: A Teaser Trailer

by CRAVEGuitars | posted in: Event, Fiction, Introduction, News | 0

Prelude

HEYYY, YO, WASSUP, HI Y’ALL, G’DAY, SALUTATIONS, howdy‑doody, henlo, aloha, Namaste, how’s it hangin’, salut, top o’ the morning, salaam, hey there, ahoy, ‘ello, ciao, greetings, etc. One hopes you’re all chipper this late August 2025 (NB. The first documented use of the noun ‘chipper’, meaning upbeat and cheerful, is from the ‘Boke of Keruynge’ (1508) – The Book of Carving – by publisher Wynkyn de Worde, a Tudor handbook for how to behave at court). Nowt to do with contemporary man‑eating wood chippers a la the film, ‘Fargo’ (1996) or even, ‘Tucker & Dale Vs Evil’ (2010)! I digress, as usual. Good to know some things never change. I bid you welcome, once more.

I was tempted to rant on (again) about the dire state of global politics and conflicts. However, I felt another polemic could disproportionately and negatively affect the overall tone of the article, so I will refrain. Regular readers will already know my views, so there is little to be gained from restating them here (again). Peace & Love, people.

This month’s article bears no direct relation to last month’s introduction of ‘The CRAVEman Cometh’ spinoff. However, there is a tenuous parallel in the pure imaginary creations of the contorted cavities of CRAVEs creative cerebellum. The subject matter this month is not entirely new but it is an expansion of previously hinted at material. It is also only tangentially relevant to vintage guitars, which means I am continuing on a fictional summer sabbatical at CRAVE Guitars for the second month running. Apologies to vintage guitar aficionados.

For this article, I return to the subject of the draft novel, ‘The Distortion Diaries’. Given that the potential book is the focus of this article, there deserves to be quite a bit of new material to explore. Expect a plentiful portion of pompous prose.

“For aren’t memories the true ghosts of our lives?” – Stephen King (1947)

Previously… on ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Several times now, I have intimated in the public domain that there was the potential for a fictional vanity side project. This was first implied at, way back in December 2023. At that time I wrote… “I felt an irresistible urge to write a fiction novel. Its status is currently work‑in‑progress. It will be called, ‘The Distortion Diaries’ (remember, you read it here first).” So, here we are, some 20 months on and the evolution of the tome is probably best be described as slow but steady.

However, while the novel has been referenced in subsequent articles, it has not yet been the main focus of a blog. So, I thought this month I would set the matter straight and take another brief diversion from the world of vintage guitars and put this long‑gestating idea centre stage. Why? Because I can.

In order to give the book’s narrative a bit more authenticity, I embarked on writing my own journal (well over 600 days into the real thing and counting). While there are some notable differences between a journal and a diary, ‘The Distortion Journals’ doesn’t have an alliterative ring to it (and you know how much I like to alliterate). The process of writing about events and random thoughts on a daily basis gives a valuable insight into the fictional diary of the novel’s main character. The rhythm, reflection and routine of writing the real thing helps with the introspective compositional style of the fabricated story. Very method! Pretentious? Most probably but not deliberately.

Back in 2023, I was very used to writing in various forms but, as I quickly found out, a fiction novel is a completely different proposition. Everything I had learned counted for very little. After an intense period of inexperienced book writing during the first half of 2024, the first draft had been completed, if not finished (there is a subtle difference). Then things were put on hold for a considerable period due to other things going on in ordinary life that took priority over writing. It was in October 2024 that I took the bold step to reveal the idea as part of the monthly article published that month. If you want to revisit that article as a preamble to this month’s update, click on the link below (opens in a new tab). In fact, I would recommend reading the relevant part of that blog in order for the rest of this article to make sense, as I don’t want to repeat material from 10 months ago here, unless absolutely necessary for coherency.

October 2024 – CRAVE Guitars Writing: An Introspective Inquiry

For once, all this month’s quotes from here on in are not attributed to real people. Rather they are some of the main character’s observations about life. They may or may not make the cut for the finished product. He likes to think he is wise but an innate creative conceit may mask fallible foolishness. You decide.

In order to make a little bit more time for writing the novel, rather than write about writing the novel, I will try to keep this relatively brief (for me).

“Humans are hopelessly self-destructive. No matter how hard we try, we are addicted to those things that will ultimately destroy us” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

Brief Update on ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Back in October 2024, I suggested that the author’s real name will not be used if the novel ever gets published. Instead, it will be credited to a pseudonym. The nom de plume (NB. literal French for ‘pen name’) has been carefully selected to conceal my identity, gender, location and genre. I am reluctant to reveal my unique pseudonym at this time in case someone else appropriates it before publication. Paranoid? Me?

In last month’s article, I introduced the front man for CRAVE Guitars, The CRAVEman. The objective for CRAVE Guitars is that it is the instruments that deserve the attention, not the proprietor, hence the alter ego. The same applies for The Distortion Diaries – it is the fictional characters that should have all the attention, not the author. In case you were wondering, the book will not be credited to The CRAVEman, although I must admit that I was tempted for a very short moment. Given that his vocabulary extends only as far as “Grunt!”, it didn’t seem appropriate for authorship.

Even though I am writing about it here, my intention is to ensure that CRAVE Guitars and The Distortion Diaries are discrete entities and fully independent of each other, if only to preserve the integrity of both, hence my diffident anonymity. I do not care for either fame or fortune. I just want to be the best me that I can be (d’ya follow?) and that means making CRAVE Guitars and The Distortion Diaries as successful as they can be, even if that success is measured only by the unassertive existence of both, irrespective of me (the only common denominator between the two).

“What mysteries lie in the names we are given? How would our lives be different under another name, another identity?” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

The book’s cover art has also been prepared in early draft and not finalised. Last time I wrote on the subject, the main narrative was just a standard Microsoft Word document (for functional convenience). The fonts have been chosen, the layout firmed up and the whole thing has now been reformatted in book form. These are all minor but essential administrative tasks.

Artificial Intelligence (AI) has NOT been used in any way for the book’s text – it is 100% my work, for good or bad. For once, though, I concede that AI has been used to prepare the basis for some of the draft images for The Distortion Diaries. Furthermore, AI did not produce the final images, just as a basis for further graphic manipulation. Whether the AI artwork makes it to the final product, we’ll have to wait and see.

So what has or hasn’t changed since October 2024? Fundamentally, not a lot. Sigh. Progress has, however, been made. If it hadn’t, there would be little point in writing this article. Enough expositional preamble. To business…

“The abundance of social company does not prevent the aching loneliness of the individual without a Girlfriend” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

The Main Premise of ‘The Distortion Diaries’

As a reminder, having said that I don’t want to repeat the October 2024 article, the synopsis is an exception to that particular rule. To reiterate, the summary was (and still is):

“The Distortion Diaries

Terry plays in a band. He doesn’t have a Girlfriend. He hasn’t had a Girlfriend for some time. Terry has a dreary job in IT. He lives alone with his feline overlord. One day, Terry decides to document his wretched existence in a journal. Rather than the journal reflecting and recording Terry’s lacklustre life, the journal begins to change it. A Lot. Is Terry’s life pre‑determined by fate or is his destiny in his own hands? Only his journal knows.

Based on a false story”

The synopsis remains relevant and unchanged (bar one word), even after a long period of reflection and having survived its first serious edit in April‑May this year (2025). That alone, is encouraging – that the original core idea remains largely unaffected. Thank goodness for small mercies.

I suggested in last year’s article that the book’s genre leaning is “a rom-sex-com-music-bio-mystery-drama-thriller-fantasy about contemporary man’s eternally favourite tripartite – sex, drugs and rock & roll”. Like the synopsis, that also remains unchanged. It is definitely not one for the politically correct woke crowd out there. I reserve the right to express free speech. Don’t agree with it, go read something else.

That’s really all you need to know at the moment. On the surface, the premise seems straightforward enough (a coming‑of‑middle‑age drama) and the structure (a chronological record) is a well‑worn story telling mechanism. So if the proposition and arrangement are (admittedly) clichéd, why bother? What makes this special or different? Why should it stand out from every other decidedly dreary ‘dear diary’ diatribe? Well, it’s the execution of the plot that I hope will entice, amuse, surprise and satisfy.

“I don’t want to be a character in a story, I want to be the storyteller” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

The Main Characters of ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Essentially, the concept revolves around eight individuals living in a fair sized town in the English West Country with the nearest large city being Bristol. The time period covered in the novel is 200 days over the summer of 2012.

The main character, as mentioned above, is Terence Wilder, aged 32. Wilder by name, not by nature. He is an IT specialist working in a dead end job for an anonymous company. Music is Terry’s major motivation in the absence of anything profoundly diverting – like a Girlfriend. He knows that something has to change, so he decides to start recording his life and thoughts in the titular diary. It is only a small change of routine but one that has major repercussions for Terry and those around him.

Terry is a founding member and guitarist with his band called The Imaginary Transtemporal Affair (TITA for short). The band’s name deriving loosely from a line in ‘The Peripheral’ (2014), a novel by ‘cyberpunk’ author, William Gibson (1948‑). The band has been together for a while and the bonds between the members is strong. Terry’s band mates are Xavier (guitar), Hector (bass) and John (drums). The band eschews the easy route of a cover or tribute band and battles with integrity to make their own multi‑/cross‑genre musical style they call HMSPGSALFGGSR (for short!) – you’ll have to read the full narrative to know what it stands for. Their debut studio album, ‘TITA Om Fyah’ is in incubation, as of 2012 (see ‘album of the month’ below).

“I thought of going full mullet. However, I don’t think it would be a good strategy for attracting a Girlfriend” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

The other three main characters provide the gender counterpoint to the band and, possibly, the catalyst for change. They are Olivia, Dakota and Alley. If you spotted that that only totals seven, you win a gold star. The eighth key character is Terry’s possibly supernatural ginger comrade and confidante, Kwat with whom Terry shares those things he can’t divulge to other humans. If you haven’t already guessed, Terry is Kwat’s human. Kwat exercises total dominion over Terry, just as it should be in the natural order of things.

After undertaking an in‑depth deep FBI‑style psychological analysis of the main characters, I can share with you a detailed profile of each of them. Apologies that the descriptions are so lengthy – these are inherently complex people:

Terry – unexceptional
Xavier – ambitious
Hector – debauched
John – mellow
Olivia – introverted
Dakota – intense
Alley – promiscuous
Kwat – numinous

OK, so I lied. Sue me. If you want to know more about them, then you’ll just have to wait. Soz. The dynamic interplay between these eight and the tertiary cast provide the core foundation of the yarn. You may get to like them. To say any more at this stage would be to provide too much of an insight into the concept and to render the actual narrative moot. Again, I want to tease you and dangle bait on a proverbial hook, not give everything away for nothing.

That’s really all I want you to know at the moment. The only other miniscule hint I will give away is that I will be manipulating the reader intentionally to subvert expectations (hopefully). All may or may not be what it seems. Beneath the surface, the tale could provide a profound existential observation, it all depends on how you want to approach it.

“I don’t want to be famous, I want to be good” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

The Plot of ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Nah! Not a chance! For the actual details of the storyline, you’ll have to wait and see when it’s completed and, hopefully, published. In the meantime, I will have to keep you on tenterhooks (NB. Not the literal meaning – hooks used to fasten cloth on a drying frame, called a tenter – dates from c.1633. The metaphorical meaning applies – to be in a state of uncomfortable suspense, anticipation or impatience). Let’s hope it will be worth the long wait.

Funnily enough, the conclusion of the story came easily, early on in the process, so I didn’t have to try too hard to fabricate a ham‑fisted finale. Maybe I’m not clever enough to pull off a successful denouement but one has to try, hopefully not in vain.

“Life is not a loser competition” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

Some brief excerpts from ‘The Distortion Diaries’

A special treat for you. The following three brief extracts were taken from relatively early in Terry’s journal entries. I don’t pretend that these are representative, they are just passages taken at sort of random. Due to liberal profanity and potential spoilers, there wasn’t that much that could be used in this article. I hope, though, that you get a sense of the style. Please bear in mind that these are from the first post‑edit draft and may well change (considerably) by the time the completed novel has been put to bed. After this article has been published, I intend to focus on the next substantial edit.

Excerpt from Day 1:

“Nothing happened today. Nothing is going to happen today. Nothing always does. This is my life. My real life. Not some made up life. Well, my life from today onwards. For however long that may be. The future has to start sometime and this journal will testify to my part in it. It is MY unique account, not anyone else’s. What went before is undocumented, available only from a fragile memory residing somewhere between then and the here and now.

This story is my mediocre, futile and fleeting folly of a presence on this small sapphire sphere floating in infinite black nothingness, with just our small saffron sun to warm and illuminate our existence. The 30 trillion or so cells that represent my entire body occupy an infinitesimally small place on this infinitesimally small space pebble.

…

“Hello Diary” (there, major cliché dispensed with). I bought you a few months ago, intending to fill your vacant leaves with exciting and interesting news about my run‑of‑the‑mill, mediocre life, mixed with the inevitable moments of whimsy, melancholy and pathos. Add oodles of hopefully hilarious humour. Ha‑ha. Don’t forget the counterpoint of joy, that of inevitable tragedy. I wouldn’t be into music if I wasn’t one of those sensitive animals with a severely damaged heart that pours their emotional baggage into the waiting cup of enchanted music.

It’s taken a while to get around to this because, well, that’s just me. I take time to get around to things. It’s not like I’m a professional procrastinator. Honest. I may dawdle a little on occasion but that can conceivably also be a virtue. Possibly.

‘They’ say the best things come to those that wait. That, of course, is bollocks. The best things come to those that go out and grab the great stuff first. The derisory dregs of detritus get left behind for the likes of me, one of the ones that wait. Adult real life, it has to be said, has turned out to be a big disappointment after the false promises of youthful expectation.”

Excerpt from Day 19:

“It was with irrational anticipation that I crawled out of bed feeling decidedly enervated in the outlandish world that is pre‑noon on a werkend. Why? The vain hope of seeing or even meeting the attractive young Lady I sort of ‘encountered’ at Everwax Records last week. As the veil of consciousness lifted, I became increasingly alert, as unheralded adrenalin flowed through my bloodstream. My pulse accelerated, my pupils dilated, my skin tingled and I felt jittery. The innate impulse for fight or flight didn’t seem appropriate. Contrary to my usual cynical demeanour, I was actually looking forward to going out. This is what the lack of a Girlfriend feels like.

Firstly, She might not even go to the record store at all. I have no idea whether She’s even local or not. Secondly, She might go to the shop when I’m not there. Thirdly, even if all the stars aligned and She is there at the same time as me, there is no guarantee that we will engage in any sort of meaningful interaction. Fourthly, and possibly finally, even if that unlikely linear sequence of events actually occurred, there’s no guarantee that such an interaction would prove positive. Having studied logic, probability, statistics and the science of BIG numbers as part of my degree, the odds were stacked heavily against me. However, irrational random anticipation overrules any sort of calculated common sense. Good job I don’t gamble.

And so it turned out. We, the band, dutifully deposited ourselves in Everwax Records at the usual time – the same time that She was there last week – and… She wasn’t there this week.”

Excerpt from Day 32:

“Yay! BIG gig day at The Lost Inn’s ‘dungeon’. I really don’t know why I’m making such a BIG thing out of it. We’ve done loads of gigs before, thirty or forty or so over the last couple of years. By the time we felt that TITA had potential, we already had a few public performances under our collective belts. We hadn’t documented our beginnings very well, which is a shame for my late life autobiography. Best laid plans of hindsight, eh.

I think the reason that this particular gig has gained some extra significance might be because writing about it in my journal helps me to focus and put everything in context. Articulating my thoughts provides me with some clarity previously masked amidst the dissonance of day‑to‑day disorder. Whatever it is that is happening, I am not complaining. Maybe this Diary thing has some motivational value after all.

…

As usual with gigs, once you get on stage, everything becomes an automatic blur. I can’t remember anything about our playing other than the odd bum note sticking out like a sore thumb (to us). It felt like we executed the whole set list in about five minutes. Actually, it was just over an hour but it felt like five minutes. There was no room for self‑indulgent virtuoso showmanship, it’s all about telepathic togetherness and sonic synergy. The feedback from the audience was pretty good and spurred us on. That’s what it’s all about, the reciprocal energy loop. We were stoked. TITA rules, at least in the moment.”

There you go, three snippets for the price of none. Just for clarity, the misspellings and capitalisation of the excerpts are entirely intentional and are a running theme throughout the full chronicle. You may well recognise the similarity of florid flair when comparing the book extracts with CRAVE Guitars’ articles.

That, I am afraid, is all you’re going to get for now. My motive is to provide a teaser with no obvious giveaways to spoil anything. I can only hope this modest modicum of extracts has marginally piqued your curiosity.

“The unpleasant astringent miasma permeated the empty concert hall at The Lost Inn; sweat, stale beer and a mix of other best-left unidentifiable fluids, saturated every pore” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

The Good News about ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Being positive, the general premise has hardly changed at all. The synopsis hasn’t changed in the slightest. The protagonists have been fleshed out. Also, the first edit proved that the first draft was pretty much on point, a fact that genuinely surprised me.

Another positive is the strength of the character development and the interrelationships between the main characters. Being hopelessly deluded, there is also a decent ending, a problem faced by far too many novels (and films). All too often, everything is very neatly tied up rendering the resolution unbelievable. Also, far too many stories/plots have a weak ending because decent conclusions are not easy to concoct. No cheap tricks here. When it comes to real life, a person’s experience starts and ends long before and after the period over which the story has been told. The Distortion Diaries covers a defined short period of time in the much longer lives of these 8+ defective characters, so don’t expect perfection. You’ll have to work for satisfaction and fulfilment, but not too hard.

Again, being vain and conceited, I was very surprised that it actually seems to work as a whole and I actually enjoyed reading it while also working on it. I hope that’s a good sign.

“I want to get better at life and then maybe life will get better for me” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

I also have far more material than the story warrants. This provides a great opportunity to ‘overdo’ it and then to execute a brutal edit to leave the strongest core possible. Only then, I hope, will the final cut be robust enough to stand up to scrutiny.

Another positive is that it doesn’t seem to be overly derivative. Yes, there are universal truths about the human condition that have been covered in infinite variety over centuries (and therefore unavoidable here), so it cannot possibly be classified as original or unique. However, I believe it is a fairly fresh approach that doesn’t stick to every storytelling rule that has been complied with before.

While there is little scope for a sequel (or prequel), there are opportunities for a couple of spin‑off stories with which my feeble grey matter has been toying. These ideas are not about Terry but other strange and very different fables. I won’t contemplate putting finger to keyboard on any of those until this one had been done to death. The curse of a fickle creative mind. A lot will depend on how ‘successful’ The Distortion Diaries is, when it has finally been concluded.

“The second best thing that can happen to a man is a good woman. The best that can happen to a man, however, is a bad woman. The worst thing that can happen to a man is no woman” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

The Not So Good News about ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Principally, the project has taken far too long to bring to fruition, which has been a constant frustration over the months. The gestation period has become tiresome, as it isn’t my ‘day job’. This isn’t because of lack of enthusiasm or interest; it has been a purely practical failing on my part to prioritise it sufficiently in the face of other unavoidable responsibilities.

I have now accepted that it is a slow process and have become less anxious about progress. It will take its own time and it will probably be better for it. I cannot afford the mental stress of pressuring myself to do it quicker. Better late than never, as ‘they’ say.

Then there are the practical hurdles. An independent editor would no doubt improve the end product. However, I do not want anyone else to change anything. I do not want it to be perfectly polished. I actually want it to be rough around the edges. I don’t want it to be like every other highly processed piece of prose. I want my own mistakes to be present in it; the many apparent flaws are an integral part of its charm, just as a genuine journal would be. These are imperfect people and they should be seen distorted through Terry’s defective lens. I want it to come across as if Terry had actually lived to tell his tale his way. I do not know of a single genuine diary or journal that has been crawled over by editors and proof readers to eradicate inconsistencies and errors. It is a bit like museum grade vintage guitars, something can be ‘too good’ to enjoy.

Another hurdle is self‑publication. I have absolutely no idea how to go about it. I have limited funds, so I cannot pay for someone to do it on my behalf. I also do not want to go through the ordeal of pleading to agents for attention with the associated high risk of rejection – my fragile ego couldn’t cope being subject to the critical whims of others not invested in the project. Neither do I want the end product to be managed beyond my ability to influence the outcome. As a bit of a control freak (Ed: No kidding!), I don’t appreciate being beholden to anyone else. Such interference is simply unacceptable to me. I really do not give a damn about what agents, publishers and editors think. They can make their parasitical living off someone else. I only care what I think and what genuine readers might think, warts ‘n’ all.

So, even if I get over the hurdle of writing, editing, agents and publishing, then there are the formidable challenges of printing, marketing, distribution, sales and promotion. Everything about the whole process is set against this being any sort of success, regardless of any literary merit. Even if it is a worthy story, it could fail at any of these key points.

The Distortion Diaries is a personal folly and commercial success is not a prerequisite for a satisfactory outcome. If only one or two people read it and get some ephemeral pleasure from it, I shall be content. My aspirations in this regard are very modest and humble. A bit like my ambitions for CRAVE Guitars as an undertaking.

As previously mentioned, I did toy with the idea of serialising The Distortion Diaries on the CRAVE Guitars’ web site. However, it wouldn’t really work and it would blur the lines between the two discrete ‘projects’. The novel’s material is also not appropriate for a vintage guitar showcase. So, that is not gonna happen. Decided.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had my heart broken. It really doesn’t sound like it’s something I’d want to try out” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

Final Thoughts about ‘The Distortion Diaries’

You may have gathered that I remain excited about this particularly narcissistic venture. The fact that the enthusiasm has endured since December 2023 without waning in the slightest suggests that there is something worth pursuing. I remain concerned about two things. The first I have mentioned many times, which is making sufficient time and space to complete the writing process. Put simply, the more time I spend on article writing, the less time there is for The Distortion Diaries. The second, as mentioned above, is the complications of getting the final product out there for people to judge. In these technological days, it really should be simpler.

One thing I am absolutely certain about is that this is not a literary masterpiece. It will not be ‘a great British novel’. Neither will it be a monotonous churning out of tedious, derivative drivel (Ed: Are you sure about that?). It was never intended to be an exemplar of literary excellence and that has not changed. However, it is a heartfelt and genuine attempt to be a bit different and to produce something that may be of moderate interest to others. While it breaks many rules, it isn’t revolutionary. It is what it is, an earnest first attempt.

I have mentioned before, and need to reiterate now, that this dedicated ‘labour of love’ (NB. an idiom that has been used to describe various forms of artistic expressions. Its first appearance in English was in the King James Bible, published in 1611, although it may have originated in pre‑medieval times), is NOT autobiographical. It is, though, impossible not to draw, and to isolate the final product, from one’s own life experiences.

Another thing about writing this month’s article was, once again, to test the waters, to challenge my own notions and to reinforce my beliefs about whether this is something I want to dedicate a serious amount of time to. The act of writing about it is, in itself, a reality check and I am pleased to say that it has passed scrutiny without serious mishap (so far). I am still reticent and uncertain about how to turn a good intention into a great reality.

One might wonder why I want to publish a fiction novel in the first place. That’s a difficult question to answer. None of the oft‑used reasons – and there may be dozens of them – resonate with me, such as a desire for storytelling, personal growth, confidence building, compulsion, social impact, sharing, competitiveness, proving something, self‑learning, self‑aggrandisement, income, attention seeking, legacy, etc. Quite simply, it is something that I would like to do. Simples.

Bottom line. Will it ever see the light of day? I hope so, ceteris paribus, but probably not. This article is intended to commit myself to completing the process to the best of my ability or I will look like a complete dumbass for boasting about it and then not delivering. Wish me luck.

If, perchance, it was ever made into a film, the location could conceivably be relocated to somewhere, say, in New England (comprising, Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and Vermont).

“The confusing interplay of human emotions and motives – when you think about it – is magnificently messy and chaotic, not at all organised or logical, it is an unreality existing in an artificially real world. There is no universal harmony in life’s experience” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month’

Given the subject matter this month, we have to delve into the creative aspects of Terry and his bandmates aspirations. During that fateful year of 2012, The Imaginary Transtemporal Affair (TITA) was working hard on live performance and recording ideas for the first of many albums that they intend to define their career. Entirely a fictional construct, this month’s distorted accolade goes to…

The Imaginary Transtemporal Affair – TITA Om Fyah (2012): The ill‑fated debut studio album from The Imaginary Transtemporal Affair has never been released on TITA Records, although the material exists and the artwork completed (see below). Comprising eight tracks over 72 minutes, the atmospheric aural adventures of unrealised potential evoke a mantra of melancholy and a more than a trace of transcendence. The epic ‘everything lasts for never’ (track 5, running time 6:41) is a firm band and fan favourite. File under HMSPGSALFGGSR music.

If only I had the talent, motivation, drive, skills and time to concoct this album for real, I would do it without hesitation. I wouldn’t change the band name, album title or track list one iota (NB. No, not the 9^th letter of the Greek alphabet). It would be great – I have to believe that. For now, progressing the novel is the main focus. One day, maybe the music behind it will be realised. I have a futile fantasy that someone will pick up the book and make it into a film and this album would become the original soundtrack to the movie. Now, precisely where is that fateful Crossroads that blues guitarist Robert Johnson famously made a deal with the devil? In the meantime, while I still have a soul, I can dream.

BELIEVE IN MUSIC!

“The earworm rented out the vacant lot in my brain’s auditory processing, easier to put on repeat than shuffle” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

Tailpiece

Once again, I have regressed into writing about writing, for which I apologise post hoc. While I am genuinely enthusiastic by this egocentric recklessness, I can readily understand why it might be too far off the well‑trod vintage guitar topic to be of interest for CRAVE Guitars’ readers. Further obsequious apologies. Even I need a break from vintage guitars once in a while.

As Terry remarks in, ‘The Distortion Diaries’, “I am only superficial on the surface after all”.

For now, I seem to have run out of ideas for next month’s article but I’m sure I’ll come up with something to distract me from reality for a few minutes. In the meantime, a final word or thirty from ‘The Distortion Diaries’ sagacious hero…

“Engaging with Women of the opposite Sex is a bit like engaging an enemy in strategic warfare. It seems I don’t have even a modest grasp of basic battlefield tactics” – Terry (The Distortion Diaries)

For once, CRAVE Guitars’ regular ‘Quote of the Month’ (see below) is extremely relevant to the ambitious subject matter of the main article. I do hope you’ve enjoyed this minor detour in the course of unreal life and that you will come back and ‘see’ me again sometime soon.

Truth, peace, love, and guitar music be with you always. The CRAVEman, signing off. Until next time…

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Quote of the Month’: “The finish line may be in sight but is it within reach?”

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31 Jul 2025

July 2025 – The CRAVEman Cometh

by CRAVEGuitars | posted in: Event, Fiction, History, Introduction, Observations | 0

Prelude

GRACIOUS GREETINGS FROM YOUR HUMOROULSY HEARTY HOST. Yup. Welcome once again to a freshly minted monthly monologue for late July, high summer in the northern hemispherical portion of our little floating blue sphere. This month is something entirely new (and therefore, by inference, different), as well as a tad flippant. I thought you might like to know a little bit more about the character behind the CRAVE Guitars brand – the founder, owner, proprietor, curator, manager, roadie, mail man, web designer, social media guru, lackey and tea boy. Well, tough, I aim to remain firmly in the background, anonymous and intentionally inscrutable, letting the vintage guitar gear stand proud, front and centre, just it should.

“Everyone needs something to aim for. You can call it a challenge, or you can call it a goal. It is what makes us human. It was challenges that took us from being cavemen to reaching for the stars” – Richard Branson (1950‑)

In my May article, I briefly perplexed about a collective noun for vintage guitar collecting, collectors and vintage guitars. I then suggested that, perhaps, it is time for someone to create a name for vintage guitar collectors, suggesting, somewhat whimsically but definitely not seriously, CRAVE‑o‑holic or CRAVE‑o‑phile? CRAVE‑atalist or CRAVE‑ologist maybe? No? How about Cuitarchivist, Guitarcheologist, Guitarchitect? NB. Full disclosure: admittedly those last three were not my ideas – credit goes to the originators for getting there before me. While that topic isn’t the subject of this month’s article, it did provide some fondly flirtatious food for thought.

However, the thought of an extension of CRAVE Guitars tenacious tentacles into new nooks and crannies occurred to my feeble brainium and led, rather circuitously, to this month’s subject matter. (NB. ‘Nook and cranny’ is a medieval English idiom when castles were built with hidden passages and secret rooms. People would search for small spaces, hiding places or escape routes concealed within castle walls.)

I thought this month’s article would be mercifully brief so that I could concentrate on ‘The Distortion Diaries’. However, as usual, I got distracted by the subject matter and progress on the novel has been slower than article preparation. Sigh.

“Everything has changed, but the process of telling a story has not changed. It’s like cavemen sitting around the fire; somebody’s going to tell the story. Somebody is drawing on the wall. You’re communicating. You’re trying to learn and teach at the same time. You’re your own student and you’re your own teacher, but the process is of the communicating” – Stanley Kubrick (1928‑1999)

Introducing… The CRAVEman Cometh

Prepare your souls for flowery prose. Taking a tangential turn, this month I am introducing my avatar, my double, my alter ego, my twin, my clone, my doppelgänger, my alternate personality (or at least one of them). So, without further ado, it’s time to say “hi” to ‘el jefe’, the prehistorically‑minded guitar‑wielding (axe‑wielding?) titular representative and future front man for CRAVE Guitars; ‘The CRAVEman’. Geddit?

These vestigial thoughts conveniently coincided with a humorous and harmonious messaging exchange with a close friend and the idea of The CRAVEman came to the fore. It was not so much an epiphany, more a lucid realisation that I could justifiably BE someone else, just for CRAVE Guitars’ expanding brand image. Much more interesting than the prospect of boring reality, eh?

“This is a story of long, long ago, when the world was just beginning… A young world, a world early in the morning of time. A hard, unfriendly world. Creatures who sit and wait. Creatures who must kill to live. And man, superior to the creatures only in his cunning” – Narrator from the motion picture, ‘One Million Years B.C.’ (1966)

The CRAVEman moniker wasn’t intended to describe a collective noun, particularly as it is used in the singular, traditionally gender bipartite fashion (apologies to the politically correct woke). However, he was created figuratively to take on the role as your esteemed narrator of CRAVE Guitar blog articles. Thus, a fantastical formulation of an indulgent irrational idea coalesced into coherency.

“There are not many men yet. Just a few tribes scattered across the wilderness. Never venturing far, unaware that other tribes exist even. Too busy with their own lives to be curious. Too frightened of the unknown to wander. Their laws are simple: the strong take everything” – Narrator from the motion picture, ‘One Million Years B.C.’ (1966)

Now, for the avid musicologists out there, the word ‘Craveman’ (note the lack of the definite article and the traditional form of capitalisation) has been used previously (see ‘CRAVE Guitars’ Album of the Month’ below). However, this article’s particular incarnation is, I believe, sufficiently differentiated and unique enough to be adopted legitimately by CRAVE Guitars.

“Visual storytelling of one kind or another has been around since cavemen were drawing on the walls” – Frank Darabont (1959‑)

Evolution of The CRAVEman Cometh

While my true identity remains vehemently enigmatic, I am happy to hide behind a virtual caricature. While I may generally portray myself as a contemporary, relatively evolved metrosexual (male) human bean, the vaguely humorous play on words refers not only to CRAVE Guitars but also to Homo Sapien’s genetic Palaeolithic ancestors. Just for clarification, I don’t believe that I conform to the stereotypical Stone Age clichés of a prehistoric caveman (with or without a guitar). Grunt!

“Nnn?” – The character Loana played by Raquel Welch in the motion picture, ‘One Million Years B.C.’ (1966)

However, it can be amusing to conform to or to subvert stereotypes, if only to reinforce prejudicial preconceptions. Grunt! I have to state for the record, that The CRAVEman is a loving, peaceful individual, reticent to engage in aggression, thus representing an archetype for a semi‑civilised new age Stone Age hippy. He may even partake of a little bud from the flowering plant, Cannabis sativa for an occaional chill out. Legend. He doesn’t need a spear or a club, just one of his many trusty CRAVE Guitars and a healthy respect for his environment. Grunt! (Ed: OK, we get the idea, move on)

“I think that weddings have probably been crashed since the beginning of time. Cavemen crashed them. You go to meet girls. It makes sense” – Christopher Walken (1943‑)

The use of AI for The Craveman Cometh

As you may know, CRAVE Guitars has dabbled with the subject of artificial intelligence (AI) before. For background information, CRAVE Guitars’ focused on AI generally and in relation to vintage guitars last year (2024). A bit has changed over the course of 12+ months. If you wish to view or review the material, follow the links below (each link opens in a new tab):

March 2024 – Artificial Intelligence takes on Vintage Guitars: Part I
April 2024 – Artificial Intelligence takes on Vintage Guitars: Part II
May 2024 – Artificial Intelligence takes on Vintage Guitars: Part III

While this article is principally about The CRAVEman, the use of AI to illustrate him is simply a convenient means to the storytelling end. The short video clip of The CRAVEman (see below) is also my first venture into AI video. Good to know that the technology is being used for altruistically enhancing human civilisation, eh?

The upside is that there are plenty of images this month. While I consider myself a reasonably creative character, my artistic skills remain woefully under‑developed, so I admit that I resorted to AI image generation for the majority of visual representations this month. Apologies to all genuine artists out there, I simply can’t afford your authenticity. While the images look very much of their type (still not convinced), they serve a specific purpose here, to conjure up and to evoke The CRAVEman avatar in the collective consciousness within the growing CRAVE Guitars virtual space (Ed: The CRAVEverse then?). Time to stop with the prosaic narrative and enter CRAVEworld. Ready or not, here he is (finally), The CRAVEman Cometh.

“Women love hairy men. Cavemen were the sexiest men in history” – Leslie Mann (1972‑)

The Adventures of the CRAVEman Cometh

On this occasion folks, I am going to let you, the reader(s), do the hard work for once. Also unusually, the majority of this article is pictorial and the ‘story’, as such, is essentially just a series of captions for you to use your imagination and fill in the intentional blanks.

To set the scene, I may need to suggest a bit of factual context about the world within which The CRAVEman might exist. This is necessary if only to provide a rich background stage on which he can perform his adventures for you.

“Captain CAAAAAVEMANNNN!” – Captain Caveman (animated character voiced by Mel Blanc, 1977‑1980)

Imagine the life and times of The CRAVEman in the Upper Palaeolithic Era (c.50,000‑9,600BCE), which was notable for its significant increase in the diversity and complexity of community organisation. It also saw the emergence of artistic endeavour, such as cave paintings and carvings, indicating a marked development in primitive culture beyond the immediate necessities of survival.

Early humans primarily lived as nomadic hunter‑gatherers. They relied on hunting wild animals and gathering edible plants, both of which required a good understanding of their surroundings. The roaming lifestyle of social groups was essential, as they followed animal migrations, seasonal plant growth and climate.

Nascent human societies were typically organised in small groups or bands, with a relatively simple division of labour. Men often hunted for food and defended their group, while women gathered plants and cared for children. Resources were shared communally, as part of a generally egalitarian but still hierarchical paternalistic social structure.

The development of basic tools included the use of materials like bone, antler and stone, which became crucial for survival. Tools were used for various tasks, including butchering animals, cutting plants and crafting other implements. The mastery of fire also began to play a significant part in daily life, providing warmth, protection and a means to cook food. The Palaeolithic (the Old Stone Age) was followed by the Mesolithic and Neolithic (Middle and New Stone Ages respectively) periods, characterised by the development of permanent settlements, the rise of agriculture and the domestication of animals.

“Man is a tool-using animal. Without tools he is nothing, with tools he is all” – Thomas Carlyle (1795‑1881)

Now for the small but essential matter of the suspension of disbelief. Please bear with me while I veer away from verisimilitude. The premise is a blatant, intentionally clumsy and cartoonish cultural and chronological clash (Ed: alliteration abounds!). The plucky, fantastical CRAVEman collects and plays (electric) guitars (now vintage of course)! He also plays in a rock (sic!) band. Sadly for him, he doesn’t seem to have a CRAVEwife, or CRAVEgirlfriend (yet), not even a CRAVEgroupie or three. Just don’t ask too many awkward questions about coherence or attempt to rationalise the incongruities, ignored here for artistic license – just go with the flow and use your imagination. Get the general idea though? G‑G‑g‑great! Let’s get stoned (sic!).

Think of the pictorial sequence as a chronologically linear ‘storyline’ progression, whether portraying a day, a week, a month, a year, etc. and you begin to get the CRAVEworld concept (Ed: time to record a prog album?). When following The Adventures of The CRAVEman Cometh, think along the lines of comic strip panels minus the unnecessary narrative ‘speech bubbles’ – well, our prehistoric ancestors’ vocabulary was a bit, erm, stunted, at best. I’m sure you can apply the occasional, “grunt!” if you wish to supplement the visuals with auditory accents. Alternatively, the following could be thought of as a rough storyboard outline for a motion picture film screenplay (if only).

The opportunities for The CRAVEman imaginings are boundless. I wish I had the time, effort and genuine creativity to make a proper ‘thing’ of this particular spinoff. Remember though that The CRAVEman Cometh and his story is now undeniably CRAVE Guitars’ IP.

“I work hard all day, too, and what do I get? A lot of yak from you. You at least get out everyday, see things, talk to people. I never get out of this cave” – Wilma Flintstone from ‘The Flintstones’ (1960‑1966)

A Day/Week/Month/Year in the Life of The CRAVEman

About time too! Let us prevaricate, procrastinate, beat about the bush, dilly dally, delay and obfuscate no longer. We are about to embark on the positively pulchritudinous prehistoric adventures of The CRAVEman. Settle in and enjoy.

New Dawn Sunrise – Having recently roused from his Stone Age slumbers, dreams of being a Rock God left long behind, The CRAVEman looks out upon CRAVEworld, his immense territorial domain as the sun rises on a shiny brand new day. It looks promising weather for undertaking his intended tasks for the day ahead. His role is to ensure his tribe’s survival in a testing world.

Neighbourly Greeting – Prior to heading out on his daily mission, he engages amiably with his thriving social group. Relationships are largely cordial, marred only by lusty competition for unattached CRAVEgirls. The CRAVEman agrees the imperatives and priorities for the day’s assignment.

Ready To Head Out – Having readied himself for his daily quest, The CRAVEman mentally prepares himself for whatever challenges he is likely to face in the wilderness. A moment of serious reflection taken as he formulates a basic plan to make the most of the opportunities available to him.

Outbound Commute – Having long since exhausted all available resources close to home, The CRAVEman has to travel further afield to find what he and his group needs. Fortunately, his domesticated heavy horse makes crossing distance and uneven terrain easier. His faithful hound accompanies him.

Rocky Mountain Way Snowy Explorer – On a lengthy expedition, The CRAVEman has to cross a challenging and unfamiliar landscape including hostile snow and ice high up in the mountains. The grunting weather is severe. Unsure what he might find, he sets out on foot to explore.

Fishing in Bear Country – After the mountain pass, The CRAVEman descends into a valley carved out by river erosion, He attempts to use his crude tools to catch any fish that may swim past, taking care to avoid other predators after the same quarry in this area of nutritional abundance. Grunting bears!

Mammoth Hunting on the Plain – Having not caught much in the way of fish from the river valley, The CRAVEman heads out onto the plains in the hope of hunting larger game. The massive mammoths he encounters are more than he can take on alone. Onward he goes, leaving the prospect of grunting mammoth steaks for another day.

Faraway Foraging in the Grassland – Having been unsuccessful hunting fish and animal prey on the plains, The CRAVEman resorts to the grasslands on the edge of ancient woodland to forage for edible plants and berries to take back to his kinfolk. He cannot go home empty handed.

Defending the Tribe – Every so often, The CRAVEman’s group encounters other tribes, each determined to defend their own territory. Rarely do these grunting confrontations end in conflict. There is plenty of posturing and shows of power intended to sustain a status quo. Occasionally, tribes come together for competitive but friendly rock band competitions.

Homebound Commute – After a long day’s travails exploring in the mountains, fishing in river valleys, hunting on the plains, foraging in grassland and defending his community from interlopers, a weary The CRAVEman heads homeward on his trusty heavy horse with his faithful dog in close pursuit.

Cooking Pot Blues – Having secured enough food for his contribution to his community’s sustenance, The CRAVEman prepares and cooks his own meal. He would have preferred a meatier and tastier menu but grunting plant food will have to do on this occasion. A tad disappointed, he plays a lugubrious lament while waiting for his supper to stew.

Rock Guitar Practice – Knowing that he has some serious performance time ahead of him, The CRAVEman cannot let up on practicing his hard rock music chops. It takes all his concentration to keep his musical talents up to scratch.

Big Cat Interruption – What the grunt! No peace for the wicked. The CRAVEman’s guitar practice is rudely interrupted by a familiar local big kitty. He may look fearsome but that is just playful exuberance. There is mutual benefit to the tribe and their ‘pet’ feline’s informal collaboration.

Rock Guitar Practice Resumed – Having settled the big kitty down for a cat nap, The CRAVEman can resume his studious guitar practice in readiness for a forthcoming rock gig. More hard work. The demands and burdens of a Stone Age Rock God never ceases.

Rock Band Rehearsal – Having been through his intensive practice regime, The CRAVEman sets about gathering his rock band members together for an impromptu rock & rock rehearsal. Unrealised aspirations of Rock Godness abound and rehearsals go well, if a bit chaotic. Lyrics are certainly not their strong point! Grunt!

Rock Festival Rain – For grunt’s sake! It had to happen, The CRAVEman’s band gets to play an outdoor gig and it grunting well rains on them mid performance, thinning what little crowd they had gathered to listen and appreciate his guitar playing skills. A typical rock festival experience over the ages. A veritable Stone Age Glastonbury experience. Grunting bad weather.

Cave Painting – In order to commemorate The CRAVEman’s contribution to his small community, the local rock ‘journalist’ does his best as a pictographic designer. He poses while the artist attempts to immortalise the would‑be rock legend in a cave painting. Like lyric writing, our merry group’s portrait skills leave something to be desired.

Over The Sea and Far Away Sunset – At long last, The CRAVEman’s long and arduous day draws closer to its inevitable conclusion. He’s up on a nearby cliff admiring CRAVEworld’s beautiful sunset over the infinite sea. The preternatural landscape inspires The CRAVEman to compose his next rock song.

Campfire Singalong – Although darkness has settled on the Stone Age camp, The CRAVEman’s musical skills are still much in need by his loyal troupe. He sits contentedly around the campfire grunting rock lullabies for a period of important social bonding between genders and generations.

Fireside Rock Jam – Once the rock kids have gone to their caves for night time slumbers, The CRAVEman continues his musical explorations. No more intense solo practice, band rehearsal or campfire lullabies, this is pure rock music noodling for his own pleasure. Jamming for fun helps him to unwind before retiring for the night.

Dreaming of Stone Age Rock Godness – Finally laying his weary head down to rest, The CRAVEman falls into a deep sleep with his favourite axe and his faithful canine companion both by his side. He dreams of becoming an eternal Rock God, immortalised forever for his contributions to Stone Age rock & rock music. Dream on.

Well there you have him – The CRAVEman’s first adventures in CRAVEworld in a proverbial nutshell. Short and sweet. If you don’t dig The CRAVEman’s adventures, that’s fine.

“Yabba Dabba Doo!” – Fred Flintstone from the first episode of ‘The Flintstones’, ‘The Flintstone Flyer’ (1960)

Final Thoughts on The CRAVEman Cometh

A quick rhetorical question, why didn’t this preposterous notion occur to me before now? The simple answer is that, in hindsight, I really don’t know. Nevertheless, I feel obliged at this particular juncture to restate that this month’s article is only a bit of puerile FUN and a break from the more serious ‘business‑as‑usual’ task of writing about vintage guitars. Heck, we all have to set loose our inner hirsute hero from time to time (NB. from time to time is an English idiom dating back to at least the 16^th Century, meaning intermittently/occasionally). On this occasion, the author’s mental aberration has played out in the public domain. As usual, if you don’t like what you see here, there are plenty of other places that are after a temporal slice of your precious life.

My intention is not to require a following but to welcome those who wish to participate actively in something occasionally a little bit odd (?!). Life would be very dull without a degree of dalliance with the deviant (as long as it is harmless of course). Disclaimer, no animals (extinct or surviving) were harmed during the making of The Adventures of The CRAVEman Cometh.

“If there hadn’t been women we’d still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends” – Orson Welles (1915‑1985)

You may wonder what all this has to do with vintage guitars. Fair comment. Well, it is relevant by association. There would be no The CRAVEman without CRAVE Guitars and there would be no CRAVE Guitars without vintage guitars and its increasingly peculiar proprietor. Being quite frank (poor Frank comes in for a lot of stick, don’t you think?), I just cannot be bothered to justify this devious detour any further. It is what it is, like it or not. I kinda dig The CRAVEman dude, hence his appearance. Looking back, I still wonder why it took so long.

“Grunt!” – The CRAVEman (The Upper Palaeolithic, c.50,000‑9,600BCE)

Whether this little existential experiment bears further fruit, one can only speculate at this stage. He may return to obscurity or he may flourish in abundance. All is up for grabs at the moment. I kinda think he might stick around. He may even appear at a CRAVErock‑gig or CRAVErock‑festival near, where else, Stonehenge. He may even go CRAVEbusking at a stone circle near you.

“The first human being who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization” – Sigmund Freud (1856‑1939)

Is there any profound meaning or ancestral resemblance between The CRAVEman and me? Personally, I do not believe so, which makes him all the more endearing – he is not bound in any way by my ephemeral mortal manifestation. Put bluntly, I am (we are) perfectly comfortable and at ease with multiple identities – no mental disorder involved, honest. Seriously, for a moment though, look after your mental health and well‑being good people. This article has not featured any images of actual vintage guitars so, finally, here is a complimentary pic of The CRAVEman with his own CRAVE Guitars collection…

The Real CRAVE Cave

After reading all this, one might think that it is 100% fiction. However, there is an itsy‑bitsy, teeny‑weeny, tiny trace of truth behind an element of the story. The CRAVEman‑cave does actually exist. Kinda. The dark, damp, dilapidated cellar of the domestic house is the would‑be home for today’s actual CRAVE Guitars family.

Regular readers will know that this has been a long‑gestating project to ‘tank’ the cellar to create a dry, warm and secure home for vintage gear. Progress has been hindered by access, technical issues and, the big, big biggy, lack of funds. So there you go, there is a smidgeon of veracity to the story. The above is the real thing, No AI this time.

“Once you were apes, yet even now man is more of an ape than any of the apes” – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844‑1900)

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month’

Given this month’s reveal of the author’s newly assumed nom de guerre, ‘The CRAVEman’, it seemed appropriate that this month’s ‘Album of the Month’ should reflect an LP with an analogous title. I should emphasise here that there is no connection between CRAVE Guitars and the name of the album or its artist; it is merely coincidental and totally unintentional. However, there is no reason why this convenient happenstance should be overlooked for this article.

Ted Nugent – Craveman’ (2002): Ted Nugent’s 12^th studio album, ‘Craveman’ was released in September 2002 on Spitfire Records. The album comprises 14 tracks over 56 minutes. Even the 2^nd track is titled, ‘Crave’, lasting a monumental 6 minutes 19 seconds. Perhaps he knew I was coming! The album represents Nugent’s return to the power trio format and a more hard rock sound than previous outings. It was released five years before CRAVE Guitars became a ‘thing’ and twenty three years before The CRAVEman, so I guess he got there first.

Ted Nugent’s ‘Craveman’ is not my favourite guitar album but it’s OK I guess. However, it fits the bill for this illustrative purpose. At least it is a heavier, guitar‑centric rock album after unconvincing periods of synth pop/rock ballad material.

The music is one thing. The character behind it is another. There is no way to avoid the association. Nugent’s music will always be overshadowed by his political notoriety. There is no denying that Nugent is a controversial larger‑than‑life, take‑it‑or‑leave‑it personality and also a pretty good guitarist to boot.

Full disclosure; I have to state that and I do not agree with Mr Nugent’s political alignments, his racial stances, his propensity for gun ownership and his predisposition for slaughtering innocent animals for ‘fun’. In 2021, he stepped down from the board of directors of the NRA (the American National Rifle Association gun rights advocacy and lobby group that campaigns in defence of the USA’s out‑dated second amendment). Owning a gun is one thing, using it as a lethal weapon to kill living creatures is another. This is not an expression of any sort of liberal woke agenda, it is just a heartfelt compassion and an expression of respect for all life on our planet.

BELIEVE IN MUSIC!

“The human failing I would most like to correct is aggression. It may have had survival advantage in caveman days, to get more food, territory or a partner with whom to reproduce, but now it threatens to destroy us all” – Stephen Hawking (1942‑2018)

Tailpiece

Well that was fun and insane in equal measure! Dumbass? Has CRAVE lost his final marble? Too much? Maybe. Maybe not. You decide. So we bid au revoir, adios, ciao and garrulous grunts from ‘The CRAVEman’ for now. Time for The CRAVEman Goeth, so to speak. I have a funny feeling that he may well return at some point in some guise or other. To mix metaphors, there is no turning back now as the genie is out of the bottle. You have been warned. A final thought… fundamentally, aren’t we all just cave men and cave women with fancy modern lifestyle trappings? Grunt!

Ultimately, as stated above, this month’s article is all just a bit of silly FUN and (at least for me) a welcome break from the norm. As a terribly telegraphed trifling tip‑off, the fictional fancies herein may just beckon a peripheral subject matter for next month’s article. So let’s wish our precious lives away and bring on August 2025 to wait and see what transpires. At the top of the article, I promised you flowery language. I think that promise was delivered in spades (NB. Another 20^th Century English idiom probably referring to the spades in a pack of cards, the dominant suit used in contract bridge. It means for something to be done beyond the norm).

Let us hope we survive long enough to endure the preposterous perils of perverted, paranoid power crazed people. Civilisation and our precious planet have been irrevocably scarred under the pretext of ‘progress’ and unconscionable conflict. Sadly. When will the moral majority stand up collectively to the corrupted and say, “no more!” before it is too late? It cannot come too soon. Apologies, didactic discourse for the month over… for now.

Truth, peace, love, and guitar music be with you always. Until next time…

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Quote of the Month’: “They say only time will tell. When that time comes, will there be anyone around to listen?”

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30 Dec 2024

December 2024 – CRAVE Guitars 2024 In Review

by CRAVEGuitars | posted in: Event, History, Introduction, News, Observations, Opinion | 0

Prelude

YES FOLKS, “THE END IS NIGH” (no, not the video game). The clichéd idiom of woeful doomsayers is the pessimistic prediction of impending Armageddon – the end of the world according to God’s final judgement enshrined in religious belief. Not here though. In this instance, I’m referring to the far less fatalistic but probably more imminent finale to the Gregorian calendar year of two thousand and twenty four (NB. The Gregorian calendar was established as a reform of the Julian calendar in 1582 by Pope Gregory XIII). While ‘The End Is Nigh’ may also represent the rallying cry for the biblical apocalypse, that is not my intention or implication, just my peculiar sense of absurdity.

“This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper” – T.S. Eliot (1888‑1965)

You are probably tired of all the usual end‑of‑year retrospectives. For those few who aren’t weary of looking back, I am using the hackneyed ‘annual review’ as a convenient mechanism to conclude this particular 12 months of our collective existence. For the list‑o‑philes out there, this is probably the article for you.

Thus far, despite best endeavours, I have singularly failed to make sufficient time and space to work on the novel, ‘The Distortion Diaries’ announced in November 2024, so it looks like shorter articles will be the way of CRAVE Guitars’ regular output going into 2025.

So, without further ado, let’s take a swift look back at 2024 through the languid lenticular lens of CRAVE Guitars…

CRAVE Guitars Gear 2024 (0)

Sadly, and with great disappointment, there have been zero guitars, zero basses, zero effect pedals and zero amplifiers added or sold during 2024. Nothing. Nada. Rien. Nichts. Nulla. Zilch. Ma. Ning. Nihil. Sin. Nichto. Inga. To put it in the western euphemistic vernacular, f‑all ‘new’ old stuff. Sigh.

There have been three on‑going primary reasons for this:

Funds – As the author is on a low, fixed income and CRAVE Guitars is a non‑profit entity, there has simply been insufficient capital to invest in my preferred pastime
Space – CRAVE Guitars exists in an ordinary (small) family home, in which there is insufficient space to accommodate any more gear. The long-frustrating inability to convert the house’s dark damp cellar into a suitable CRAVE Guitars emporium is still on‑going and unlikely to change any time soon (see first reason!)
Competing priorities – In addition to a shortage of funds and space, some other things in life cannot be avoided and require priority attention. Such mundane obligations serve to divert precious funds and consume available space (see first two reasons!)

“Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff” – Frank Zappa (1940‑1993)

2024 was the first year since CRAVE Guitars was established in 2007 that there has been no change whatsoever to the ‘collection’. The assemblage of assorted artefacts, it seems, has reached an uneasy equilibrium. It is not my intention for this stagnant state of affairs to continue. Other things, therefore, must change in one, two or all three of the factors above before there is a substantial change to either the quantity or quality of CRAVE Guitars’ vintage gear. Don’t get me wrong, I would dearly love for the ‘collection’ to change and/or grow but, as political economists fail to understand, growth is finite.

After all is said and done, I have to declare that I am massively grateful and eternally thankful for what I have in CRAVE Guitars. It may be modest and humble but, with the dire state of the modern world, I am indeed lucky to be in this fortunate position. As ‘they’ say, things could be a whole lot worse.

“Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have” – Buddha (Siddhārtha Gautama – c.480 400BCE)

Some of those that left the building in 2024 (20):

As with every year that passes, sadly, there has been a number of notable music artists that have thrown off the mortal coil. Here, in memoriam, are just a few souls that we lost this year:

4 January: David Soul, aged 80
11 January: Anne Nightingale (BBC radio and television presenter), aged 83
23 January: Melanie (Melanie Anne Safka Schekeryk), aged 76
2 February: Wayne Kramer (MC5), aged 75
3 February: Aston ‘Family Man’ Barrett (Bob Marley & The Wailers and The Upsetters), aged 77
17 March: Steve Harley (Cockney Rebel), aged 73
14 April: Dickey Betts (The Allman Brothers Band), aged 80
30 April: Duane Eddy, aged 86
7 May: Steve Albini (Shellac and record producer), aged 61
22 July: John Mayall (The Bluesbreakers), aged 90
5 September: Herbie Flowers, aged 86
5 September: Sergio Mendes, aged 83
28 September: Kris Kristofferson, aged 88
15 October: Tito Jackson (Jackson 5), aged 70
16 October: Liam Payne (One Direction), aged 31
25 October: Phil Lesh (Grateful Dead), aged 84
21 October: Paul Di’Anno (Iron Maiden), aged 66
3 November: Quincy Jones, aged 91
14 November: Vic Flick, aged 87
15 December: Zakir Hussain, aged 73

“Even death is not to be feared by one who lived wisely” – Buddha

2024 album releases purchased (27):

After a prodigious injection of creativity during and immediately after the Covid pandemic, there seem to have been fewer ‘great’ albums to tempt one to part with one’s filthy lucre this last year. More mediocre musical material manifested. Over the last 12 months, there have been only a few new releases to add to the music library – just over one per fortnight. Sigh. As regularly mentioned through this platform, despite embracing music streaming, I still prefer to go ‘old skool’ and buy physical media (on CD, I no longer have vinyl). The 27 new releases purchased in 2024 were:

The Aristocrats – DUCK
Caribou – Honey
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Wild God
Cigarettes After Sex – X’s
Culture – Good Things (reissue)
The Cure – Songs Of A Lost World
The Cure – Songs Of A Live World: Troxy London MMXXIV (live)
Dreadzone – 9
Billie Eilish – Hit Me Hard And Soft
Fat Freddy’s Drop – Slo Mo
Floating Points – Cascade
Four Tet – Three
Beth Gibbons – Lives Outgrown
Jamie xx – In Waves
Jon Hopkins – Ritual
The Jesus And Mary Chain – Glasgow Eyes
Melts – Field Theory
Niney & The Observers – Tubby’s Want The Channel: Dubbing With The Observer 1976‑1978
Opeth – The Last Will And Testament
Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry – King Perry
Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry & Youth – Spaceship To Mars
The Smile – Wall of Eyes
Linval Thompson – Ganja Man
Chelsea Wolfe – She Reaches Out To She Reaches Out To She
Various Artists – Jon Savage’s Ambient 90s
Various Artists – Niney The Observer Presents Jah Fire: The Observer 7″ Singles Collection 1976‑1977
Waxahatchee – Tigers Blood

The list above doesn’t include all the other pre‑2024 CDs added to the library over the last 12 months, which run into the several hundreds‑ish.

“If music be the food of love, play on, give me excess of it; that surfeiting, the appetite may sicken, and so die” – William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

2024 major gigs (2)

As with vintage guitar gear and creative new music, it’s also been a pretty moribund year for experiencing live music, with only two sizeable concerts attended, sadly. Thankfully, both concerts were terrific:

The Australian Pink Floyd Show (November)
Baroness (support: Pallbearer, Graveyard) (November)

Even local pub band gigs have been sparse this year. The local ‘weekender’ event featured largely cover bands and artists dishing out popular hits from the past with little, if any, original material. This paralysing trend has been commented on before. While it is good that live music is out there, it is not so good that very little fresh, new material appears to be coming up from the grass roots.

“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music” – Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)

KEEP MUSIC LIVE!

Various tangential observations about 2024

It is that time of year, with 2025 on the proximate horizon, to round up a few random things together into some sort of convenient (if incoherent) package.

The market prices of vintage guitars and gear has increased significantly over the last 12 months within the context of volatile operating environments across the globe. Many collectors are turning their sights to previously under‑the‑radar models as the economics of supply and demand inflate the so‑called ‘golden era’ vintage guitars beyond belief. The effect of such inflation is that it is putting many ‘cool and rare vintage electric guitars’ out of reach enthusiasts (like me!). Many emerging value‑for‑money vintage guitars that were previously just about affordable, no longer are. The relative shortage and price of vintage guitars presents a difficult challenge for the future of CRAVE Guitars. As a result, I won’t be proclaiming a prioritised list of gear to look for and acquire in 2025.

My aim for 2025 is to attract 50k visits on the web site. At the time of writing, there were 43k visits in 2024. To reach 50K, it will take nearly 150 visits pre day on average. That target doesn’t seem to challenging but, believe me, it is. With the fall off in visitor numbers to the web site (probably also due to the lack of gear turnover), I will need to pay a bit more attention to promotion and social media output, including on Bluesky Social. Currently, at the end of 2024, there is very little in the way of vintage guitar content on Bluesky, so CRAVE Guitars is kinda leading the way in that respect. Bring it!

CRAVE Guitars on Bluesky Social (@crave-guitars.bsky.social)

Reflecting a seriously worrying trend with the economics of the music industry, we lost all 42 Sam Ash Music Stores in the US in May 2024. This loss is the tip of a worrying iceberg and signifies at best a stagnant musical equipment industry and, at worst, a shrinking one. The switch to Internet procurement provides some commercial compensation, although is that really the best way to purchase the gear musicians want and need?

In a similar vein, the owners of the famous Sam Goody entertainment chain announced that it will close its final music stores in 2025, after nearly 75 years of business (founded in 1951). Adios to both Sams.

Mirroring a trend of migrating from printing to virtual publishing, ‘Total Guitar’ magazine sadly met its physical demise in October 2024 after 30 years on the newsagents’ shelves.

Commercially successful bands also seem to be in decline judging by the number of single and album chart successes performed by ‘real’ bands being at a considerably lower level than that of solo artists. Streaming has also demonstrated that ‘the album’ now has less significance than curated playlists and popular single tracks. So… one conclusion that might be drawn from this is that serious music creativity might be under threat (although hasn’t it always been thus?).

Perhaps the comeback of physical media (see below) might reinvigorate greater interest in bands and albums. One band that released a successful studio album in 2024, thereby bucking the otherwise inevitable trend, gets CRAVE Guitars’ Album of the Month (and Year).

As an avid buyer of new and used physical music media, the author has noticed that the market for CDs seems to have experienced an upturn during the last year. According to some sources, 2024 is likely to be the second year in a row that CD sales have shown signs of a resurgence, following the example of vinyl. Coincidentally, according to some research, this turnaround may also be a sign that demand for music digital streaming may have peaked and digital downloads are definitely in decline. The almost‑trend of CD growth, assuming it continues, could potentially match the vinyl revival in demonstrating that music lovers appreciate and value the ownership of tangible media.

The indication is that the availability of second hand CDs has decreased slightly at the same time that the price of used CDs has increased – once again demonstrating the inevitable dynamics of economic supply and demand. Ultimately, though, the method of listening is less important than the fact that people are actually listening to more music in the post‑Covid, pre‑dystopian world.

On the subject of physical media, readers may know about my particular proclivity for reggae and especially dub reggae. I am now finding it quite hard to find and buy quality dub reggae CDs at a reasonable price. The diminishing returns effect means I’m beginning to get into rare and collectable dub reggae CDs, which is competing for finite funds that could be used on vintage guitars. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Final thoughts on the end of 2024: the future starts here

The world seems increasingly to be descending irretrievably towards society’s End of Times (see top of the article), driven by just a few maladjusted, misguided maniacal, malevolent, malignant, megalomaniacs, seemingly sanctioned by the compliant acquiescence of copious complicit citizens. Critical questioning seems to have been replaced by indolent, possibly ignorant, apathetic obeyance. Harmony, stability and security are fundamental imperatives for human survival and we seem conveniently to have forgotten this, or worse, not to care a jot. Why should I care; no‑one else seems to?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” – Rhett Butler played by Clark Gable in the film ‘Gone with the Wind’ (1939)

Now, the thing is… I do care. War is repugnant and indefensible in the 21^st Century. ALL countries need to STOP and reflect on the insanity of where we are heading. Fighting Is Utterly Futile. Fact!

“Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; that is the eternal rule” – Buddha

If we do not wake up soon to this pervasive and insidious threat, I fear it will be too late. The human extinction process has begun and appears to be irreversible without an urgent call to action to create a better civilisation and sustainable future. Peace has to be the first step to global co‑operation, which would then release the potential, ability and resources to tackle global issues in a truly united way.

“We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people” – John F. Kennedy (1917‑1963)

How to do that? My (vain) suggestion would be that the United Nations (UN) should be transformed into a potent force that is empowered to act in the interests of all species on our little planet. A strengthened UN could intervene to curtail existing conflicts and counteract new ones through diplomacy and negotiation, using force only as a last resort. The UN is ideally placed to do so but it needs to become much, much more than the impotent talking shop that it is now. It could, and perhaps should, become a genuine peace‑making and peace‑keeping force that is mandated by the collective of all non‑pariah states to supersede unilateral national interests and intercede where necessary for the long‑term sake of humanity as a whole. That, after all, was what the UN was set up to do post‑WWII.

If realised, the UN could also become an international rescue organisation to assist after natural disasters and an aid distribution organisation to help victims of misfortune. However, given that national interests will continue to overwhelm efforts towards collective agreements, sadly, I cannot see that happening, at least not in my lifetime.

“We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organise and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too” – John F. Kennedy (1917‑1963)

Military conflict, though, is only for starters. We also need to guard against unrestrained population growth, catastrophic deforestation, critical food insecurity, irrevocable climate change, unbridled economic migration, uninhibited ideological extremism, perilous habitat erosion, acute ecological pollution of air land and water, and devastating social division. All are perilous global crises created by humans. Only humans can act together to resolve them. Only the ignorant can sit idly by and ignore them. No biggies then! Perhaps the end is nigher than we think after all.

“The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything” – Albert Einstein (1879‑1955)

I am, by nature a romantic optimist, almost to the point of hapless delusion. So, I guess we have to retain some sense of belief, purpose and positivity about the future in order to avoid cataclysm and improve our, and future generations’, chances of survival and salvation, starting in 2025.

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope” – Martin Luther King Jr (1929‑1968)

I propose to you a simple but profound premise – Hope is based on progress resulting in a future that will be better than the past and the present. I don’t pray for a miracle. I pray that we become wise enough that we do not need miracles. Time will tell but will there be anyone around to listen? Apologies folks. Soap box over. Again.

“I Have a Dream…” – Martin Luther King Jr

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month (and Year)’

As we are at the end of the year, it only seems fair to select an album from this year’s new releases. Full disclosure here, on this occasion I am biased, as the band has been one of my go‑to favourite bands for nearly five decades.

The Cure – Songs of a Lost World (2024). After 16 long years since the flawed, ‘4:13 Dream’ (2008), The Cure released their 14^th studio album, ‘Songs of a Lost World’ on 1 November on the Fiction record label. SoaLW was The Cure’s first album to reach number 1 in the UK album chart since, ‘Wish’ (1992) – a gap of 32 years! It is also their best since, ‘Disintegration’ (1989), up there with, ‘Bloodflowers’ (2000), ‘Pornography’ (1982) and, ‘Faith’ (1981). In its first week, SoaLW outsold all other chart albums in the top 5 combined, a rarity for a band album these days (see above). As it turns out, it is a rare thing and well worth waiting for.

Hyperbole like ‘triumphant’ and ‘monumental’ are regularly thrown about but rarely well‑deserved. SoaLW is high on atmosphere and represents a tremendously powerful achievement, ably showing that there is life in the old dogs yet. There is not much in the way of happy, catchy sing‑along commercial material but, thankfully, The Cure remain true to no‑one but themselves. It is a densely layered intricate and immersive ‘wall of sound’ best experienced in a single sitting; certainly not easily accessible for a casual listener. Rather than selling out to marketable popularism, the band has released a deeply personal and affecting collection of 8 tracks covering just 49 minutes. Robert Smith also took an unusual step in publically thanking everyone for their support and loyalty. SoaLW was also accompanied by live recording of the launch concert, ‘Songs of a Live World: Troxy London MMXXIV’.

At this stage in their career, The Cure didn’t have to release an album of such laboured, tortured quality. They could easily have phoned in a profitable release with little effort (see, ‘Wild Mood Swings’ (1996) and ‘The Cure’ (2004)). Such integrity and creativity is rare for a band that has been around for so long, admittedly not always consistently great. Thankfully, Robert Smith and his band have delivered an astonishing late‑career masterpiece (apologies for more hyperbole) that bucks the trend of 2020s popular music.

In other news, The Cure has been a hard‑working band, still touring for a large part of each year as well as fighting against the abhorrent avarice of ‘dynamic ticket pricing’, so that fans can get a fair deal. No wonder that The Cure were recipients of NME’s Godlike Genius Award in 2009 and inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2019. SoaLW took years in the making but it turned out to be a good end to 2024. See, I said I was biased.

“If I go back to how I was when I was a younger man, my plan was to keep doing this till I fall over, my idea of when I fell over wasn’t this old” – Robert Smith (1959-)

BELIEVE IN MUSIC!

Tailpiece

So, there you have it. Another calendar year comes to an end and passes into history. Gone, never to return. For those of us in existence today, it represents another year closer to us all attending that great gig in the sky. However, it’s probably best not to dwell on that particular inevitability.

It has been another full year of CRAVE Guitars articles. With the lack of productivity regarding gear acquisitions, monthly articles have tended to be less focused on old instruments, effects and amps that are the mainstay of CRAVE Guitars. However, this has provided an opportunity to explore other, more holistic, facets of vintage guitars, the wider music industry and cultural musicology.

With the need to make time and space for ‘The Distortion Diaries’ novel (first hinted at December 2023 and covered in more detail in October 2024), we’ll just have to wait and see what CRAVE Guitars articles will be like in 2025. Let us hope 2024+1 proves to be a positive year and that there will be plenty of interest to sustain attention.

Wishing y’all a Happy New Year and thanks for looking in. P.S. I hope you enjoyed the postponed (for now) End of Days! The end, it seems, might not be quite so nigh after all. Hopefully.

“I am here, alone, at the end of the world. I reach out and touch nothing” – Haruki Murakami (1949‑)

Truth, peace, love, and guitar music be with you always. See ya next year. Until next time…

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Quote of the Month’: “If nowhere actually exists, how can you possibly know when you are in the middle of it?”

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30 Nov 2024

November 2024 – A Virtual Decade of CRAVE Guitars

by CRAVEGuitars | posted in: Event, History, Introduction, News, Observations, Opinion | 0

Prelude

BONJOUR, BOUNTIFUL BRETHREN. It is good to have you here with me this late November 2024. As previously mentioned, I am hoping to concentrate on writing, ‘The Distortion Diaries’ (see last article) by creating a bit of time and space, which has meant changing my approach to monthly articles for a (hopefully) short period. So this is another (hopefully) short article, essentially as a placeholder until things get back to ‘normal’ (hopefully). One has to remain hopeful. So far, it hasn’t gone to plan, so I must endeavour harder, for longer than intended. This article is mercifully short (for me) as a result.

This month, though, we have a Tin Anniversary to commemorate. NB. Tin is a silver‑coloured metal and chemical element belonging to the carbon family, with the symbol Sn (from the Latin, stannum) and atomic number 50. A 10^th anniversary is designated ‘tin’ because the metal represents durability, strength, flexibility and resistance to corrosion and wear. So, there you go. Tin for Ten it is.

So, exactly what is it that is 10 years (3,653 days) old? CRAVE Guitars online presence, that’s what. Before November 2014, CRAVE (Cool & Rare American Vintage Electric) Guitars had already been a formal, non‑profit entity for seven years (since the late summer of 2007). During those early seven years, it couldn’t easily be shared with anyone. All that changed a decade ago when CRAVE Guitars rapidly became visible to anyone who wanted to find out about it.

“Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event” – Oscar Wilde (1854‑1900)

Happy 10^th Online Anniversary CRAVE Guitars

It seems a timely moment for celebration. Yup, in November 2014, the web site and the multiple social media channels (some used more than others) have been rattling around in cyberspace (NB. A word coined in the novel, ‘Neuromancer’ (1984) by author William Gibson) for a decade now. And so it was, that the very first short blog article, titled perhaps unsurprisingly, ‘Welcome to CRAVE Guitars’ was posted on 30 November 2014.

Over the years, the web site has expanded and improved, although it hasn’t reached the potential that it undoubtedly has. There is also potential that I would still like it to achieve, all other things being considered. No rush.

Social media grew significantly until ‘The Hiatus’. It used to take up a great deal of every day but this has had to be scaled back considerably over recent years. It’s still there but not in the volume of posts that used to appear. Another step taken to mark the anniversary is that, in addition to the likes of X, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, etc., CRAVE Guitars is now also on Bluesky Social at:
@crave‑guitars.bsky.social.

Over the years, the number of CRAVE Vintage Guitars on the website has steadily increased (to 65 so far). Since the original launch of the website, the other parts of the site, CRAVE Basses (just 4 of them so far), CRAVE Amps (just 5 so far) and CRAVE Effects (68 so far) have also been added for a veritable vibe of vintage variety.

There have been approximately 85 blog articles (a.k.a. ‘Musings’) over the 10‑year period, covering all sorts of topics. The early ones were just a few sentences long and the content has consistently grown in length and complexity over the last decade. The shortest article? ‘Hiatus’ (September 2020) at just 5 lines. The longest? The 14-part ‘Story of Modern Music in 1,500+ Facts’ (between March 2019 and May 2020). My favourite? Probably, ‘Dub Reggae Revelation’ (August 2023). My least favourite? Apart from the embarrassing first ‘Welcome to CRAVE Guitars’ (November 2014), the nadir was probably the melancholic aforementioned, ‘Hiatus’.

One thing that I don’t really understand is why visitors to the website have fallen off a cliff this year, after almost a decade of year‑on‑year increasing numbers. The only thing I can think of is that there has been nothing in the way of new vintage guitar gear recently. In addition, recent articles haven’t been focused on vintage guitars per se as much as they have been in the past – there is only so much one can wax lyrical (NB. a phrase from, ‘Jean-Christophe in Paris’ (1911) by Romain Rolland) about these wonderful artefacts.

“It’s always good to remember where you come from and celebrate it. To remember where you come from is part of where you’re going” – Anthony Burgess (1917‑1993)

A moment of reflection

Has it all been worth it? Big question and one to which I really don’t have an answer. As a not‑for‑profit, non‑commercial entity, CRAVE Guitars exists but it doesn’t actually DO anything. So why bother? Who the heck knows? I don’t. Does it have any value? Well, the vintage guitars definitely do and will only increase in value over the long‑term. Are they worth a lot? Not really, that isn’t the point. I go for unlikely, alternative vintage gear, the sort that serious collectors are likely to overlook. The ‘collection’ as a whole isn’t worth a great deal compared to a highly‑regarded classic like a 1959 Gibson Les Paul Standard, a 1952 Fender Telecaster or a 1962 Fender Stratocaster. Perhaps if I sold every bit of vintage gear I’ve got, I could get one really ‘good’ vintage guitar. However, that wouldn’t satisfy my cravings (sic!) for vintage guitar diversity. Such is life. We all make economic decisions and we all abide by the consequences. Is the CRAVE Guitars brand worth anything in isolation. Sadly, no.

“Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words” – Plautus (Roman playwright, c254‑184BCE)

Would I be prepared to sell off CRAVE Guitars? Well, I guess everyone has their price, although I have no intention of selling my baby at this time. Having said that, what will happen to CRAVE Guitars when I inevitably hit the mortal exit button? My son will inherit the enterprise in total but, as he has little interest in the venture, it will probably be wound up and sold off wholesale, possibly at auction. Shame.

What would make the biggest difference to both CRAVE Guitars and its online presence over the next ten years? Well, finally getting around to converting the dark, damp cellar of the house into a dry, warm home for the ‘collection’ would be incredible. The technical complexity, practicality, feasibility and cost are all prohibitive, so it ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. Sadly. That’s why the ‘collection’ has largely stalled since Covid, due to finite funds, space and time as well as other competing priorities.

“I’m not going to be caught around here for any fool celebration. To hell with birthdays!” – Norman Rockwell (1894‑1978)

Final thoughts on a virtual tinny decade

I couldn’t let the personal landmark go without some form of recognition but, equally, I don’t want to over‑stress the importance of the fact.

For info, the first ever web site was published on 6 August 1991 by British physicist sir Tim Berners‑Lee (1955‑), a.k.a. TimBL, based at CERN in Switzerland. Now, CRAVE Guitars is like just one grain of sand in a desert. The number of web sites has grown exponentially since 2000. In 2014, when CRAVE Guitars first appeared on the hinterwebby thingummy, there were less than 1 billion web sites globally. According to Statista, there are now over 1.9 billion web sites globally. Approximately 4 million new websites are created annually (as of 2024). No wonder it is so hard to get noticed and so easy to get overlooked these days. The enormity of that broader context makes CRAVE Guitars an infinitesimally insignificant online entity. Sigh.

What do I hope for the future of CRAVE Guitars? Nothing, actually – my ambitions are, out of necessity, very modest and humble. If, in some infinitesimally insignificant, way I have changed the world for the better and/or I have left an infinitesimally insignificant indentation on this isolated lonely world of ours that will be remembered positively in time, then I will be infinitesimally but significantly content.

Will there still be a CRAVE Guitars in another 10 years’ time? Who knows? If I have anything to do with it, yes there will, but who knows what fate and destiny hold in store for us all. I trust that there will be more vintage gear to enjoy over the next decade. So… ceteris paribus, here’s to the next 10 years or so.

“A good time to celebrate is any time you can” – Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel, 1904‑1991)

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month’

This month’s selection kinda fits with the reminiscent nature of the above and needs some preliminary exposition. I tried to think of a studio album that meant a lot to me at the time and which has influenced my own guitar playing. The year was 1976 and the UK saw a rare baking, long hot summer. I took an extended solo road trip and attended my first three open air music festivals (Knebworth, Reading and Hyde Park) during that summer. I was a teenager at the time and it was also memorable for many reasons, some that I don’t think I should divulge here.

I occasionally reminisce selectively (of course) about that life‑affirming blissful ‘Summer of ‘76’ through appropriately rose‑tinted lenses. Coincidentally, it was also the year that I found out about the mysteries of girls of the opposite sex. After that crucial but brief coming‑of‑age journey (think of the evocative films, ‘American Graffiti’ (1972), ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ (1982), ‘Stand By Me’ (1986) and ‘Dazed and Confused’ (1993)), before life became an unavoidable and unbearable progression of obligation, heavy burden of responsibility and other requisite restraints. I have never been able to shatter the shackles of adulthood and recapture that youthful sense of vitality, vigour, liberty and élan. What album on Earth could possibly live up to all that? For me, it was…

Steve Hillage – L (1976). ‘L’ was the sophomore solo studio album by Steve Hillage, who came to the fore as guitarist with the psychedelic/progressive rock band, Gong. The LP, produced by Todd Rundgren in New York, was released in September 1976 on the Virgin record label. It comprises just 6 tracks covering 44 minutes. While other Steve Hillage albums may be closer to his Canterbury Scene roots, ‘L’ was elevated into something greater in my mind, probably because of the combination of time and place in my heady, youthful experiences. I recognise that it won’t be to everyone’s taste but that is not the point. For me it exhibited both earthbound joyful exuberance and infinite cosmological splendour. I guess you had to be there to understand.

The first time I saw Steve Hillage live was at the above mentioned Hyde Park free festival on 18 September 1976, attended by over 150,000 people. Queen headlined that particular event. Todd Rundgren’s Utopia and Lynyrd Skynyrd performed at Knebworth on 21 August that same year, with The Rolling Stones headlining. Reading Festival between 27‑29 August saw Gong, 801 and Colosseum II amongst others. Since then, I have seen Steve Hillage and Gong live at Brighton and, as System 7 at the Glastonbury Festival. The most recent Steve Hillage concert I went to was in 2022, so he has held a place in my music appreciation for nearly 50 years! Yikes! While I don’t have ‘guitar heroes’, Steve Hillage was influential for me and I still believe that he is a much underrated songwriter, musician and guitarist.

“A lot of good love can happen in ten years” – Jim Carrey (1962‑)

Tailpiece

Well… that’s basically it for another month. Short and (maybe) sweet. There is rarely an opportunity to celebrate something positive and this month was an occasion to do just that. Without me bringing it up it, it would surely have passed into history completely unnoticed. So, Happy 10^th Birthday to CRAVE Guitars’ presence on the ‘information superhighway’ (NB. A term coined by American Senator Al Gore Jr in 1978). Do you remember when the Internet was called the ‘World Wide Web’ (a term coined by Sir Tim Berners Lee in 1989)?

As a final moment of contemplation, what were you doing 10 years ago today? What momentous moments have you experienced over the last 10 years? Spend just a moment to contemplate the positives. Endure the bad and celebrate the good.

Truth, peace, love, and guitar music be with you always. Until next time…

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Quote of the Month’: “Dystopia is as guaranteed as utopia is unobtainable”

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30 Jan 2019

January 2019 – Old and New In at CRAVE Guitars

by CRAVEGuitars | posted in: Event, News, Observations, Opinion | 0

Intro

Well, here we are at the beginning of 2019. Wonders will never cease. We made it to the start of a new year in the history of the universe, as measured by mankind. For what it’s worth, it feels just like the universe did a human month ago but, heh, what do I know what’s been happening in the infinity of existence we call home since I last put finger to keyboard in the quest for guitar nirvana?

At the beginning of a new year, I would normally pontificate over a ‘state of the village’ observation covering what’s going on out there in guitar land. Not this year, at least not yet. I will mention that, Gibson now has a new President and CEO in James ‘JC’ Curleigh and the company was at winter NAMM in January 2019, so that’s a positive start. Here in the UK, Brexit is about to throw the country into further turmoil and mayhem that can do absolutely no good for the British music industry which is already very fragile after more than a decade of recessionary pressures. What a pathetic mess. Anyhoo… to preserve my vulnerable sanity I’m not going to expound on that any further and it’s time to get down to this month’s business‑as‑usual…

I mentioned in my end‑of‑year roundup in December 2018 that there had been a few acquisitions during the year. I also commented that the CRAVE Guitars web site hadn’t been updated for ages and things were mightily out‑of‑date. Therefore, this month, it seems time to start putting things right. Before I start, I would normally add links to the relevant web site features for the ‘new in’ gear. However, this article has been prepared ahead of publishing the features, so there is currently nothing to link to. Ggrrr. As soon as the features are in place (heck, I took the photos and wrote the narratives months ago, so no excuses!), I’ll add the links in here where they should be.

The Guitars (listed in order of acquisition)

1988 PRS Standard – First to arrive, way back in February 2018 was a stunning 1988 PRS Standard. I had been mulling over the idea of trying to get hold of an early PRS without breaking (into) the bank. I had actually been looking at a fetching early PRS CE in metallic Electric Blue when this pretty baby came to find me, purely by chance. She was local too, so no hassles over importation, couriers and all the risks that go with it.

While many punters might go for the flashy PRS Custom with figured maple cap and fancy bird fretboard inlays, I was really taken with the lovely grain of the all‑mahogany body and the understated but very attractive moon neck inlays. More importantly, it was relatively affordable compared to its more flamboyant relative (the Custom). OK, so it doesn’t have the collector‑requisites of an original case or the case candy but that made owning one achievable. More importantly, it is a very good guitar indeed with 24‑fret Brazilian rosewood fingerboard (pre‑CITES regulations and before PRS voluntarily stopped using it other than on their top‑end models). Everything that is significant, i.e. the guitar itself, is just as it should be and she plays and sounds terrific. She is also in remarkably good condition too, having been used but very well looked after. Result!

PRS guitars was founded by luthier and musician Paul Reed Smith in 1985 and this is one of the early guitars delivered from the original factory in Maryland and before PRS introduced CNC manufacturing. It may not be one of the pre‑company hand‑made instruments but they are very scarce and scarily expensive. While 1988 is modern for CRAVE Guitars, it was still early days for the fledgling PRS. I am very happy with this lovely piece of guitar history, now aging very gracefully at a mere 31 years old.

1988 PRS Standard

1978 Fender Musicmaster – Second to arrive in August 2018 was a cute little 1978 Fender Musicmaster. While this may not be everyone’s first choice as a vintage collectable, it appeared on my radar while looking for a different Fender offset (see below). The reason that this one appealed was simply that the CRAVE Guitars’ family already has Musicmasters from 1959 and 1965, so it was about adding a late example from a different decade.

By the late 1970s, the Musicmaster, like many other budget ‘Made in U.S.A.’ Fenders, was really pared down to its basics. However, it is still a very cool guitar and compares favourably to, although different from, the same model from previous decades. Presented in simple black and white, it represents a degree of purity of purpose that other, more familiar, ‘classics’ don’t exude. The covered single coil neck pickup is the same as the other ‘student’ models and has that funky sound that is characteristic of the ‘baby’ Fender lines. Good guitars from the late 1970s and early 1980s are still relatively affordable but I predict that won’t be the case for long.

All in all, I think she deserves her pride of place in the CRAVE Guitars’ clan and is a great guitar to pick up and play without having to think too much about the controls, meaning one can focus on playing. Regular readers will know that I have a thing for simple, single pickup guitars and also underrated, underdog guitars, so this modest 1978 Musicmaster scores on several fronts.

1978 Fender Musicmaster

1989 Gibson Les Paul Standard – August 2018 was a busy (-ish) time for buying. Third to arrive was a very pleasing wine red 1989 Gibson Les Paul Standard. It may seem strange to go for such a relatively ‘modern’ guitar at just 30 years old this year and right at the upper end of CRAVE Guitars’ criteria for age (pre‑1990). So what was the story here? Well… there are three reasons. The first is that one of the first ‘proper’ guitars I played was a 1970s wine red Les Paul Custom and I’ve wanted one in that gorgeous colour ever since, taking me c.40 years to achieve! The second was pure serendipity, it came up on eBay as an auction and I set a limit simply because guitars like this rarely come up for auction these days. I didn’t think that I’d win it but, lo and behold, although it reached my limit, I won and for a reasonable price too. Another result! I think that the seller was disappointed but that’s the way the cookie crumbles. The third reason is a little more intriguing. The dual humbucking pickups in this guitar are the original short‑lived Bill Lawrence‑designed HB‑L and HB‑R ‘circuit board’ pickups, which Gibson used only in 1988 and 1989. Some may criticise them but to me that is a reason to see what the fuss was about and to try them out for myself.

She certainly isn’t in museum condition but that doesn’t matter to me. I prefer a guitar to be used for its intended purpose, which inevitably means a few signs of being played. She hasn’t been abused, so no big deal, especially given that it wasn’t the most expensive Les Paul out there and certainly cheaper than a new one. A bonus is that she is very light for a Les Paul, which is refreshing. As for those pickups, well, the design is largely cosmetic. Although this guitar is not wired for it, the pickups have 4 conductors so in theory the coils could be split for added tones. To be honest, as she is, she doesn’t sound hugely different to most 1970s humbucker‑equipped Les Pauls. However, what is surprising is that I found that she plays in a different way to other Les Pauls. For some strange reason, it is one to play in a much more relaxed and laid back style. Perhaps it’s the pickups, perhaps not but, to me, it is a guitar to chill out with, rather than to thrash. All in all, it’s a great value‑for‑money guitar that’s only going to get better with age.

1989 Gibson Les Paul Standard

1971 Fender Bronco – Last but not least to arrive, also in August 2018, is a natty little bright red 1971 Fender Bronco. The Bronco was the last of the offset ‘student’ models introduced by Fender in the 1960s. As such, it is often disregarded compared to the Mustangs, Duo‑Sonics and Musicmasters. However, that fact alone makes it of interest to me. OK, so it only has a single pickup but, unlike the Musicmaster, it is located near the bridge, giving it more bite and a distinctive gnarly tone of its own. Like the Mustang, it has a vibrato bridge but unlike its older brother, it is a unique system not used on any other Fender. In my view, the Bronco deserves objective re‑appraisal within its historical context.

The backstory with this one is that it spent some time in Russia before being imported into the UK by the previous owner. That may account for the crazing in the finish that gives it a vintage mojo that suits it down to the ground. She needs a little TLC to get her back up to optimum playability including some careful work on the electrics. One feature that doesn’t affect the sound one iota is the cool use of black and silver control knobs that only appeared between 1967 and 1971. Overall, it’s not a bad little guitar for a 48‑year old. The Fender Bronco was to some extent popularised by Alex Turner of indie band Arctic Moneys, which has tended to attract the attention of collectors and push up vintage prices accordingly. It also tends to distract from the fundamentals of what is a very good, simple guitar.

1971 Fender Bronco

So, 2018 saw the acquisition of two budget Fenders from the 1970s and a Gibson and a PRS from the late 1980s. This outcome was dictated not only by a limited budget but also by space and personal circumstances during the year. In order to get the most out of them, the two Fenders really need some sensitive conservation. Despite the fact that they may not be to everyone’s taste or even qualify for what vintage snobs might consider to be ‘collectable’, I don’t care. I cannot help but express my admiration for all four of them, each in their own way. Apologies for mixing metaphors but I’ve always been one to buck a trend and swim against the tide. On reflection, it wasn’t a bad outcome at all for what was otherwise a demure year.

The Amp

The CRAVE Amps family has seen only one humble ‘new’ arrival during 2018. It may only be modest but it is as welcome as any other adoption.

1978 Fender Champ – you may ask why go for a 1970s ‘silverface’ Champ, especially when there is already a Vibro Champ from the same era in the family? The answer is partly one of keeping things as simple as possible (spot the trend here?) and, once again, opportunity. One came up on eBay and, completely unable to resist temptation, it just had to be mine! Even better, it’s a UK model wired for 240V mains. After not being used for a couple of months, it’s crackling a bit, so it may be in need of a service.

I rate these dinky little Class A valve amps and believe they deserve a much stronger reputation than the unwarranted perception of a beginner’s ‘toy’ amp, when compared to Fender’s bigger ‘classic’ amps. They are light, take up hardly any room and are fine for practice, it breaks up into distortion beautifully and works well as a good platform for effect pedals, particularly in a practice or studio environment. All‑in‑all, a solid little vintage valve amp. What’s not to like?

The Champ is clearly part of the Fender family both sonically and visually, just more compact and, in my view, cuter in all respects. Its simplicity doesn’t mean that it should be overlooked. For information, despite what the purists may assert, the ‘silverface’ Champ retains the electronic design of its predecessors and only the aesthetics changed. The point is that, where it really matters, this is a worthy little amp with quality fundamentals that are now beginning to be appreciated and much emulated by modern high‑end boutique amp builders. That Leo Fender bloke certainly knew what he was doing, even if he was running Music Man when this particular Champ was born in Fullerton, CA.

1978 Fender Champ

The Effect Pedals

Also ‘new in’ at CRAVE Effects in 2018 were a number of vintage (and, as it turns out, not so vintage) analogue effect pedals. I’ve tended to go for the popular brands to which I was exposed as a teenager, so the focus is very much on two American brands – Electro‑Harmonix and MXR Innovations – and two Japanese brands – BOSS and Ibanez. The era of interest is essentially but not exclusively from the mid‑1970s to the mid‑1980s.

Given the choice, the ‘Made in U.S.A.’ effects have always been my favourites, especially the whacky Electro‑Harmonix stomp boxes. This doesn’t mean that I’m not open to other brands, e.g. Maestro, Dod, etc. They are just the ones which I have more knowledge about and experience of using. There are so many options out there, one has to have some sort of rationale to limit the obsession.

The advantage of effects is that they are often relatively cheap to acquire and they don’t take up much room. To keep things brief, I will summarise by brand in alphabetical order.

Boss

1979 BOSS PH-1 Phaser – I already have a green PH-1 but it is ‘player’ grade, so there was an element of upgrading involved here. The incumbent worked fine but it wasn’t in totally original condition, so a slightly better and older one was found. I’ve previously written about the PH-1 and this was essentially a direct replacement, so I won’t repeat that here. Expect the old one to appear on eBay UK at some point.

1979 BOSS PH-1 Phaser

1980 BOSS CE-2 Chorus – The sky blue CE‑2 is a highly regarded ‘classic’ pedal by those in the know and it was a notable gap in the ‘collection’, so a nice one was procured. For once, I followed the trend and found a desirable ‘long dash’, silver screw, black ‘Made in Japan’ label version. Needless to say, it lives up to its envious reputation with a lovely analogue warmth and is simplicity itself to use. It is one of those that cost more than it is worth but, in this case, it was just about justifiable.

1980 BOSS CE-2 Chorus

1986 BOSS PSM-5 Power Supply & Master Switch – The red PSM‑5 is a bit of an oddity in that it isn’t an effect at all. It actually serves two functional purposes for other effects. The first is as a PSA power supply for a number of pedals. This isn’t much use to me, as most of the BOSS pedals are the earlier ones requiring an ACA supply (which actually provide up to 12V, rather than 9V). The second is as a simple effect loop, which can be of use in a basic multi‑pedal setup. It was also a cheap impulse purchase in a weak moment, so here it is.

1986 BOSS PSM-5 Power Supply and Master Switch

Electro-Harmonix

1998 Electro Harmonix Small Stone Phase Shifter – Now this is an anomaly. For one thing, it isn’t strictly vintage and it is outside CRAVE Guitars’ usual age criteria, i.e. up to but not beyond 1989. Electro‑Harmonix failed in c.1984 and part of its revival was to set up operations in Russia in 1990. The main two pedals made in the former USSR were the Small Stone phaser and the Big Muff fuzz (see below). They were based on the original American circuit boards but were constructed in a very different way. The rationale for these pedals piqued my curiosity enough to track them down. Operationally, the Small Stone is very similar to its American predecessor and it sounds as you might expect. The main draw, though, is the distinctly OTT soviet military aesthetic in sinister black and red finish. I thought it was cool enough to live alongside its vintage counterparts.

1998 Electro-Harmonix Small Stone (Russian)

1999 Electro-Harmonix Big Muff ϖ – This is the other non‑vintage pedal from the resurrected Russian incarnation of Electro‑Harmonix. This one isn’t one of the early tank‑like khaki versions, mainly because the soviet manufacturer used proprietary parts that can be a devil to maintain. EHX learnt from this and released the smaller black and yellow version which used more standard components. Crucially, this Big Muff is aurally very different from its American forebears, much more polite and with a different tone altogether. Some say that is modelled more on the Bass Muff, which may explain its tamer timbre. As such, it remains a curiosity in the EHX canon so, as with its eastern bloc comrade above, the black Russian Big Muff gets a look in.

1999 Electro-Harmonix Big Muff π (Russian)

1980 Electro-Harmonix Zipper Envelope Follower – Now we are talking the genuine article. Back in the day when I was playing psychedelic/space rock guitar, I used a Zipper alongside the Electro‑Harmonix Memory Man (echo) and Electric Mistress (flanger). While I have other envelope followers in the ‘collection’, there is nothing before or since quite like the ‘Made in NYC’ Zipper for creating touch sensitive filter sweeps. A vintage Zipper just had to (re‑)join the family and I am glad to say that it is as fantastic as I remember. Far out, man.

1980 Electro-Harmonix Zipper Envelope Follower

Ibanez

1982 Ibanez AD9 Analog Delay – here is another replacement pedal. The existing one works fine but has an unpredictable tendency to lose repeats, which can be irritating. Whether there is a fault I don’t know but I had to find out. The ‘new’ one is much better and works as anticipated. I can now appreciate why the AD9 has become a desirable classic analogue delay on the vintage market. I still prefer my EHX Memory Man but this one almost gives it a run for its money. I’m glad to have it along for the ride. I see the outgoing AD9 as a ‘player’ grade example that may well appear on eBay in due course for someone not so fussy to play with.

1982 Ibanez AD9 Analog Delay

1981 Ibanez AF-201 Auto Filter – My quest to find a creditable challenger to the EHX Zipper led to me track down the rare and collectable ‘0’ series AF-201. It is truly an intriguing little beast with a lot more controllability over the analogue filter’s parameters. Lots of sliders and switches but no rotary knobs at all. Therein lies its weakness for me. Finding just the right combination of controls can take a bit of exploration and it can be hard to recall a particular setting. What it does, it does well and it is a fascinating pedal to experiment with. The AF‑201 takes a different approach to other envelope filters.

1981 Ibanez AF 201 Auto Filter

1981 Ibanez GE-601 Graphic Equalizer – To be honest, I have never been a fan of graphic equalizers either in hi‑fi or guitars – very 1970s. However, I admit that the ability to tweak EQ can be useful in certain circumstances. After acquiring the MXR version also in 2018 (see below), I thought I would try the Ibanez ‘0’ series equivalent. They both do the same job and the Ibanez has the major advantage of a foot switch, so instant tonal variation can be applied, which also means that it doesn’t have to be ‘always on’. The downside for me is that it doesn’t have the boost/cut range of the MXR and therefore doesn’t work so well as a creative tool. I guess you pays your money and takes your choice depending on what you want to use it for.

1981 Ibanez GE-601 Graphic Equalizer

1983 Ibanez SD9 Sonic Distortion – Anyone with a solid grounding in guitar lore will be aware of the ‘holy grail’ of overdrive pedals for many, the venerable Ibanez TS‑808 Tube Screamer Pro. Well, the snot green SD9 takes the basic template and pumps it up with a shed load of steroids. A subtle pedal this is not. The ‘9’ series superseded the ‘0’ series, so it is both visually and tonally a very different animal compared to the ‘classic’ Tube Screamer. If you want more ‘meat on the bone’ without the OTT fuzziness of, say, an EHX Big Muff, the SD9 may fit the bill.

1983 Ibanez SD9 Sonic Distortion

MXR

1975 MXR Blue Box – here is another ‘upgrade’ pedal. The existing 1977 ‘script’ logo Blue Box was a bit of a bitsa. Again, it worked (if you can call what it does as working!) but it wasn’t exactly a pretty example, with a changed footswitch and baseplate. I paid well over book for the new one from a London dealer on the grounds that it was all‑original and, as is always the risk buying on the hinterwebby thing, this one arrived, also with a changed footswitch. Argh! A clear case of caveat emptor (buyer beware) if ever there was one. Other than that, it is original and in better condition. The Blue Box is a weird device combining a fuzz and an octave generator, and it sounds just as crazy as the other one – if you want manic aural chaos, this is a pedal to seek out. The outgoing one is likely to make an appearance on eBay at some point.

1975 MXR Blue Box

1976 MXR Phase 45 – The original ‘script’ logo MXR Phase 90 has become deservedly legendary over the decades. The ‘collection’ already has a vintage 1977 ‘block’ logo Phase 90, so this all‑original ‘script’ logo Phase 45 was seen as a complementary purchase. It is subtler and smoother than its big brother and, to my ears just as flattering. If you want soft swooshes, the Phase 45 is perfect and, like the Phase 90, is simplicity itself to use, just one control knob to grapple with.

1976 MXR Phase 45

1980 MXR Six Band Graphic Equalizer – I was generally scouting around for other offbeat pedals when I came across this diminutive little pedal. At the time, I didn’t have a graphic equalizer and was content to use guitar and amp controls. Then I got to thinking about what it might be able to do and the rest, as they say, is history. I took the plunge in a susceptible moment and here is the little blue SBGE (for short). It is always on, so no footswitch, which may be a limiting factor for many. However, when the cut/boost sliders are pushed to extremes (i.e. other than for basic EQ adjustment), the tonal abilities are quite fascinating. I now think of the pedal not as a glorified active tone control but as a creative utensil to transform an ordinary guitar’s limited tonal range into something else altogether. A little blue miracle worker.

1980 MXR Six Band Graphic Equalizer

Other

1970s Colorsound Swell (volume pedal) – I’m not quite sure of the age of this swell pedal without dismantling it, so for now it is just ‘1970s’. It works fine, is in very good condition and does just what it says on the tin. Volume pedals are nothing particularly exciting but they can add an extra bit of flexibility to proceedings. To be upfront, I got this one as it works better than the VOX (see below).

1970s Colorsound Swell

1960s VOX Volume/Expression – here’s another pedal that I bought on a whim, fancying a bit of the old violin‑type swell that a volume pedal could provide and I didn’t have one lying around. This one came up and, while being ergonomically modified (they originally were designed for use with VOX keyboards and came with a captive output lead), it seemed an interesting purchase. Some of these early 1960s effects are now becoming quite rare and collectable, so I couldn’t let it pass. The issue with this one is an overly scratchy potentiometer and I’m now in that dilemma of whether to replace it with a modern reliable pot or leave it for someone to decide at some point in the future. I’m still mulling that predicament over.

1960s VOX Volume

So… have any of these purchases made a great deal of difference and have they changed my opinion about vintage effects? Not really. In my view, the American pedals are just so much better suited to what I’m looking for than their Japanese and European counterparts. This is a very subjective value judgement and it should not be seen as America = good, elsewhere = bad. The far eastern pedals are very good. It’s just the way things have panned out for me personally.

The CRAVE Effects’ ‘collection’ is now much broader (although not by brand) and I have learned a lot from the experience. Sadly for the bank account, I feel the topic as a whole needs further investigation. The guitars remain the primary focus but these old analogue pedals certainly play their part in the grand scheme. Modern effect units have become, generally, far too complicated for my poor brain to comprehend, so I’ll stick with the pure and simple. No real surprise there.

There is no ‘magic’ to old/vintage gear and it won’t transform anyone into the next Van Halen. Modern tech is wonderful and that’s where the future of mainstream music production lies. The magic stems from the musician and the equipment is simply there to shape the tone that the musician hears and wants to communicate with the listener. My fascination in the ‘old school’ technology is on one hand personal preference and on the other to act as a steward of these gems the future.

Guitar Repatriation News

OK, so that’s the ‘new in’ at CRAVE Guitars from 2018. The really BIG news is actually of major significance to the enterprise and could come under a strange heading of ‘old in’ in 2019.

Now… here’s the thing… I may not have explained a particular episode from the past, so it is time to put things in context. Due to life changing events back in 2010, the majority of CRAVE’s guitars had to go into enforced exile in 2011 for as long as it would take to get things back in order. Some of them have been kept in less than ideal (but thankfully safe) storage for nearly eight years. Others have been stored on a more temporary basis having been swapped in and out over the years.

At this point, I have to give a very special shout out to my close friend Pete who looked after them for me and without his compassion (and loft space), who knows what would have happened to them. I am immensely grateful to him for doing it and putting up with me over the years. I never expected it to take as long as it has but that, I guess, is how life goes.

The major change since last month’s article is that on 21^st January 2019, a total of 42 guitars – 40 of them vintage, ranging from 1961 to 1989 – were reunited with me and the other guitars that were already here. While it is a massive relief to have them all in the same place again, their arrival presents two specific challenges that now must be addressed during 2019.

Repatriation Guitar Cases

The first is to work through the guitars, evaluate their condition and assess what remedial work needs to be done. I am certain that some major TLC will be required to get them all back into good playing order. At best, this will mean a general setup, cleaning and pampering, checking electrics and all the variables associated with corrosion, restringing them all, and playing them back to health. Guitars should be played to keep them in tip top condition, so that is one particular task that I’m looking forward to.

As Cheap Trick guitarist Rick Nielsen said, “Guitars are meant to be played, and they’re happiest when they’re making music”. The improvement in the Melody Maker after a few days of being used was proof positive.

Note: I hate re‑stringing guitars at the best of times but this will be a mammoth trial of endurance, a test of patience and a pitting of my strength of will against bits of wire. I am convinced that guitar strings are a risk to health and potentially downright lethal!

I was encouraged by the first guitar out of its case, my cute 1964 Gibson Melody Maker. The strings were rusty and she wouldn’t get/stay in tune, a few frets choke out (easily sorted) and the volume pot is scratchy (I can’t recall if it was like that before). The finish looks a bit dull and the metalwork a bit tarnished but nothing serious. After 3‑4 days, the benefits of being played were immense; it feels like it is coming back to life and sustains beautifully. The electrics need sorting out but it looks promising and not too bad for a 55‑year old. If the other 41 are no worse, I will be utterly amazed and truly delighted. As ‘they’ say, expect the worst and hope for the best. Fingers crossed.

The second challenge, I actually alluded to back in December 2017 in my end‑of‑year roundup. The ‘new’ house has a dark, damp, grotty cellar that I was hoping to make into a suitable home for the guitars during 2018. Unfortunately, this did not happen, as other priorities had to be undertaken first, e.g. a new roof! Converting the cellar into a usable space means ‘tanking’ it to keep the space and the rest of the structure dry, as well as some means of controlling temperature, humidity, ventilation and security.

As with all good intentions, this major project was meant to be completed prior to the guitars’ repatriation. However, as most of these things go in my life, it has happened the wrong way round. It may, though, spur me onto getting the ‘guitar room’ appropriately reconditioned in 2019, resources permitting of course. I should mention that this is not some luxurious mansion with an extensive basement area, it is very small, built into a cliff, with no natural light or ventilation and, unless one is naturally vertically challenged there is no headroom, as it is only about 5 feet (1.5 metres) high, and that is before any work is done on it. Also, access to it is far from easy to put right and will never be ideal. Nevertheless, it is better than nothing and, once it is finished, it should provide safe and secure accommodation for the instruments, amps and effects. In the meantime, I’m sleeping amongst a few piles of dusty guitar cases. Still, as a self‑confessed guitar nut, there are worse things I can think of.

CRAVE Guitars – Cellar

You never know, having a wider choice of vintage guitars to play may even improve my musicianship, as they are inspiring to pick up and use – God knows, my playing needs to improve and not just to do justice to these fine instruments!

There are other benefits of reuniting the ‘collection’, other than getting to play them. I should be able to take new photographs (and perhaps even videos?!) to populate the web site. New images can accompany the revised narrative that has already been partially prepared. There may also be an opportunity to liven up social media output as, frankly, I’m bored of posting the same old pictures from a decade ago.

I have long wanted to share my passion with others who may have a similar persuasion and it would be good to feature some or all of them in some sort of publication. If anyone is interested, give me a while to spruce them up and let me know. I think they are ‘cool & rare’ and just may be of interest to a wider audience.

I am hopeful that, despite the many setbacks that have led to where things are today, this may just be the turning point in the evolution of CRAVE (Cool & Rare American Vintage Electric) Guitars that I’ve been waiting for and a launch pad to better things. One day, maybe.

Outro

I think that has caught up with most developments taking place at CRAVE Guitars over the last year. While the ‘Potted History of the Guitar’ series was a great thing to do, it’s also good to get back to the personal ethos underpinning CRAVE Guitars. The prematurely trailed follow up to the ‘Potted History’ series is having to be put back, as I haven’t yet done the background research to get started. The reintegration work associated with the no‑longer‑exiled guitars will also take up considerable time and effort in coming weeks and months, so who knows what will appear here next month. Why not come back at the end of February and find out?

The invigorating prospect of having so many great vintage instruments to hand will hopefully act as a catalyst for change and progress. I’m still not tempted to set up CRAVE Guitars as a business; I just don’t have the ‘killer instinct’ to trade and, anyway, the sentimental connection has become strong. So, it looks like the not‑for‑profit mission to conserve this particular aspect of popular music heritage will continue, at least for the foreseeable future. Whatever transpires, the venture will certainly keep me busy for a while and that has to be seen as a positive.

Just in case you didn’t know this already, vintage guitars are AWESOME!

Now… where on Earth do I start with the ‘old in’? I think it might just be a case of, ‘eenie meenie miney mo…’ and see what happens. Until next time…

CRAVE Guitars ‘Quote of the Month’: “I would rather fail at being great than succeed at being mediocre”

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30 Sep 2017

September 2017 – A Map Leads To Some Hidden Gems

by CRAVEGuitars | posted in: Event, Observations, Opinion | 0

Phew! I am still recovering from last month’s article (‘A Peak into the Pandora’s Box of Guitars’). As with many of CRAVE Guitars’ musings, it should have been a straightforward subject but the research and production took a disproportionate amount of time compared to likely audience interest – I know 3 people who read it and one of them is me! This month’s article is a little more prosaic and shorter; a fizzy cocktail of insight with a little pinch of observation and a cheeky twist of opinion.

Now CRAVE Guitars is into its 2^nd decade and also now post-relocation, there is much to consider. The good news is that there is a new member of the CRAVE Guitars’ family, possibly the last acquisition of 2017, as funds have once more expired and there are too many other high priority calls on finite lucre. I hinted last month that the new purchase epitomises CRAVE Guitars’ philosophy while also being very divisive – a real ‘marmite’ guitar. This procurement, and the dilemma that led up to it, started me thinking about why we choose the guitars we do and particularly how this relates to an interest in vintage guitars while avoiding the traps of ‘accepted wisdom’ and cliché.

Also, picking up on some of the nuances of last month’s article, questions are also raised about getting the balance right between being different enough to stay ‘fresh’ while not being so ‘out there’ as to be insignificantly weird. To niche or not to niche, that’s the question (apologies for making an English noun into a verb – however for etymology nerds, the English word niche derives from the French verb ‘nicher’, to rest). For the sake of clarity, the meaning of niche here refers to ‘specialised market’.

Despite committing the vast proportion of my adult life to the responsibilities imposed by the Protestant Work Ethic, capitalist economics and the expectations of family life, I am at heart part-hippie, part-maverick, part-anti-establishmentarian and part-social deviant. However, in order to function effectively in society at large, one has to be pragmatic. I am also intensely curious, profoundly questioning and not one to accept the norm just because someone asserts that I must. This attitude may be fuelled by the fact that I am also burdened by a particularly English trait; I tend to side with an underdog facing up to overwhelming odds. Anyhoo… I digress and it’s time to get to the point(s).

This month, I am focusing predominantly, and rather unusually, on a single guitar and all the contextual thoughts that it provokes. The ‘new’ vintage guitar is… drum roll please… a 1983 Gibson USA Map.

→ Click here to read the feature on the 1983 Gibson USA Map

Not aware of it? I’m not surprised, as they were only made for a very short time and for a specific purpose. I won’t repeat the history here but if you are interested, take a look at the feature [feature link here]. Admittedly, on the face of it at least, it is an extraordinary looking musical instrument. It was reasonably innovative for a traditional company like Gibson. It is precisely because of its off-beat looks that I think it is very cool, as well as being very rare. So much so, I had to import this example into the UK from mainland Europe.

How many have you seen in the flesh, let alone played? I may be in the minority in thinking it’s rather fancy. I can see a large proportion of the population saying (or at least thinking), “what the f**k is that?” That reaction was precisely my son’s verbatim response when shown it. Even the seller, a reputable Dutch guitar dealer, described it as a “funny shaped guitar”. To me, those subjective, superficially dismissive comments just make the guitar all the more fascinating, both as a serious instrument and also as part of vintage guitar heritage. Perhaps, to me, the unusual is beguiling and makes me want to look deeper than the superficial.

Is the Map simply an imprudent case of style over substance? No, far from it. Some minor ergonomics aside, it is a Gibson after all. The more I looked into it, the more I became intrigued by the tension between the standard Gibson appointments and the departures from the norm. It would take a whole article to dissect the instrument and discuss the similarities and differences. Suffice to say, I was hooked, if only because it is SO unusual and quirky. Within the broader social and economic context at the time of its birth, it becomes even more beguiling for someone like me. You probably won’t be surprised that I believe it should be taken far more seriously than it is and this article will hopefully explain why.

The Gibson/Epiphone USA Map isn’t the only guitar to share the inspiration of the USA mainland as a body design. In the early 1960s, some 20 years or so before the Epiphone/Gibson, National/Valco produced the Newport and Glenwood Res-o-Glas ‘map’ guitars. The geographical aesthetics were more impressionistic but it was still clearly based on the shape of the continental USA. Eastwood now make a modern wood-bodied version of the National’s map guitar.

Unlike the earlier National, the outline of the Gibson USA Map is a much closer representation of the lower 48 states. As these guitars were made in tiny numbers, it wouldn’t have been produced on computer-controlled machines, the bodies would have been cut by hand on scroll saws, so to some extent, each one will be unique. The edges of the body clearly show the intentionally ‘unfinished’ saw marks, which is, I think, a great touch. The craftwork around the Great Lakes is also impressive.

The body is sandwich construction comprising 2 layers of slab-cut mahogany with a thin layer of maple between, presumably for added strength, given the vulnerability of the design. Most, but not all, were finished in natural satin nitrocellulose. While Gibson/Epiphone did make a very small number of guitars in ‘stars-and-stripes’ finishes, I do wonder why Gibson never produced one or two with the 48 state boundaries outlined. Now, that would be a cool option. It isn’t worth refinishing one of these rare axes just to try it out though. Epiphone even did a sunburst version, which seems a strange choice.

So… after a great deal of agonising and deliberating about whether it was the right thing for CRAVE Guitars, I went ahead and bought it anyway. Why on Earth would I spend a lot of money for a 1983 Gibson USA Map when, for the same price, I could have got something with a better reputation and far more likely to increase in value, you may ask? I did struggle with this particular dichotomy for several days before I took the plunge. Am I insane? Under the circumstances, I sincerely hope so. There is, however some sort of rationale.

Before we get there, it is worth touching on why the Gibson USA Map is noteworthy and why it is important to conserve it. The model clearly meant something to Gibson at the time. While the Epiphone and Gibson Maps were only made as a limited edition promotional item to showcase what Gibson could do. The model also appears to have been significant to Gibson’s overall marketing strategy in the early 1980s. The importance, albeit indirectly (it wouldn’t, or rather couldn’t, earn large sales revenues in itself), of the Map to Gibson’s commercial fortunes therefore marks it out as being of special interest. It was not just a company product; it was a symbol of national pride and patriotism in the face of industrial complacency, stiff overseas competition and impending economic recession. The Map was positioned front and centre of Gibson’s advertising campaign of the time, “American-Made, World-Played”. It also appeared on the front of the company’s full line catalogue and was featured on the cover of the Gibson guitar owner’s manual.

Interestingly, the guitar used in the advertising photoshoot was slightly different from the ones that reached the public. The differences include the pickup selector switch, bridge/tailpiece, speed knobs, jack plate, strap button and a bound neck. Interestingly, the face of the headstock is not visible in the photo, so it isn’t possible to determine whether it carries the Epiphone or Gibson logo.

Essentially, at the time, if you were into Gibson or Epiphone, you couldn’t avoid the Map’s imagery, even though most customers were unlikely to see, let alone be able to play, one. Perhaps the Map’s physical rarity was intended to motivate aspiration for the almost-but-not-quite attainable. Anecdotally, the Epiphone versions were made first to help bolster sales and when they proved popular, the branding was changed to boost Gibson sales. Presumably, if the tactic had failed, there would have been no Gibson versions and no impact on reputation. However, the strategy proved to be a success, even though ‘production’, if you can call it that, ceased in 1984 due to Gibson’s manufacturing facilities being moved from Kalamazoo to Nashville and skilled company craftsmen being laid off. All Epiphone manufacture was moved to Korea, also from 1984.

Gibson has dabbled with reissues of the Map from both Gibson’s Custom Shop and the Epiphone brand; the latter possibly intended to deter the many imitations and fakes that have appeared over the years. The longevity of the model now seems assured, albeit in low numbers to meet variable demand, compared to the more popular classics. Beauty (and therefore desirability) is in the eye of the beholder.

Original early Gibson USA Maps will undoubtedly remain Cool & Rare American Vintage Electric Guitars. I get the feeling that the original Maps will at some point become much sought after in the same way as the first Gibson Modernes that appeared around the same time. The Moderne had a similar ephemeral presence and, like the Map, has also now been reissued. Those rare 1980s Modernes seem to trickle onto the market at some pretty exclusive prices. I’m glad that I got my Moderne while it was still overlooked; I certainly couldn’t afford one now! Will the same apply to the Map at some point? I watch with interest.

This eventually begins to get to the nub of why the Map is now a CRAVE Guitar. You may have noticed that I make a concerted effort to be ‘different’ from the mainstream collector or dealer. Whereas they tend to focus on the usual Strats, Teles, Les Pauls, SGs and ES-335s (after all, that’s where the money is… or will be), I try to occupy a different space. The classics are great guitars and I love them all; I even own a few. However, after a while they can get a bit samey and can become a little bit ‘meh’ after a while. “Heresy! Burn him at the stake!” I hear you scream. In my defence, you may have experienced a similar phenomenon at one time or another, especially if the amount of choice can be overwhelming. In abundance, they can elicit that dreaded ‘so what?’, glazed-eye effect. It’s a bit like going into modern music retail warehouses where there is a whole wall of the same model and they all begin to merge into one homogenous whole and the impact of each individual instrument, however good it is, can be lost. Cool and rare vintage Guitars aren’t like that and ones like the Map tend to stand out from the crowd.

In an attempt to keep things interesting, I actually made a conscious decision to seek out something that marks out a CRAVE Guitar as being a bit different from the run‑of‑the‑mill. By doing this, I might just become recognised (or ignored) for doing something a bit different from what everyone else does. In a world where guitars can sometimes look the same, feel the same, play the same, and sound the same, there needs to be something unexpected to make one stand out from the plain and ordinary. I simply can’t afford the really exotic examples, so my only option is play in the ballpark of ‘affordable vintage’ and throw in the odd curveball. Therefore, my ploy is to differentiate CRAVE Guitars from A.N.Other Guitar Shop, and the best way to do that is through the instruments themselves.

In addition, my simple brain processes told me that someone has to conserve and act as steward for a few selected examples of the more obscure, lower demand models for future generations. This may constitute foolhardiness or bravado but I don’t see anyone else doing exactly what CRAVE Guitars does.

The almost inexplicable allure of these oddities started me thinking, at which point you probably roll your eyes and think, “Oh god, here he goes again!!!” I have been, and still am, attracted to some very unusual vintage instruments that many pundits will automatically condemn. At least I have thought about it and made an irrational choice to be concertedly un-lemming-like and, perhaps worryingly, un-business-like.

I have plenty of evidence within the CRAVE Guitars’ family to support my conjectures. For instance, my compassionate adoption of some widely regarded ‘ugly duckling’ guitars, including:

1974 Ovation Breadwinner
1980 Gibson Flying V2
1981 Gibson RD Artist
1982 Gibson Moderne
1983 Gibson Corvus II
… and now the 1983 Gibson USA Map

CRAVE Guitars’ Unconventional Guitar Designs

Then, there are the traditional mainstream brands that produced some marginal designs. In my view, these are also quite endearing and worth mentioning but, again, they are not favoured by the conservatives (yet). Perhaps these guitars, also part of the CRAVE Guitars’ family, may be best described as ‘plain ducklings’:

1965 Gretsch Corvette
1974 Rickenbacker 480
1976 Music Man Stingray
1977 Gibson L6-S

… then, there are the so-called ‘student’ models such as the short-scale offset Fenders (Musicmaster, Duo-Sonic, Mustang and Bronco), the dinky Gibson Melody Makers (and Epiphone Olympic) and the Silvertone 1449 (and 1457, as well as the full Danelectros). You may begin to get the picture. For some peculiar reason, I have an affinity for these less desirable (and therefore less valuable) instruments. They aren’t eminently collectable for the greedy investment brigade but I think they have many often‑overlooked positive attributes. Bring them together under CRAVE Guitars’ banner and I think they represent a pretty cool angle on a captivating period of modern guitar history.

Even where the classic guitar designs are concerned, where possible, I try to seek out the unusual. For instance, I intentionally went for a Fender Stratocaster Dan Smith-era ‘2‑knobber’ and I’d like to get hold of a similar-period active Elite. Telecasters? I lean towards the Thinline, Deluxe and Custom (and Elite) rather than the standard. Offset Fender Jazzmasters and Jaguars? Bring them on. Unlike most, I think the Fender Coronado is cool, as is the Starcaster (the latter is still on my ‘wanted list’) Les Pauls? I prefer the Deluxe or the Recording (I’m still looking for a good one of the latter or its predecessors the Personal and Professional). Given the choice, I’d prefer a Junior or Special over a Standard or Custom most days (as long as I have the latter to hand as well!). Gibson Explorers or Firebirds? Yes please. Semis? I prefer the ES-330 to the ES-335. Go figure.

Here are some unusual models that are on CRAVE Guitars’ ‘wanted’ list…

There is, of course, a huge risk to venturing too far off the beaten track and into wild guitar country. Firstly, sinking inadequate, valuable funds into potential white elephants is not advisable in anyone’s book. You may be surprised to know that I actually do care about this for 2 reasons: a) I don’t have infinite funds to burn on a laughing stock of geeky guitars, and b) I might want to trade up at some point, so having unsellable guitars that no-one wants is not a good strategy. However, I like to think that one day, when people eventually see the light of day, my whacky and weird bits of obsolete firewood might actually become the desirable antiquities I think they deserve to become. In the meantime, they will remain curios of a bygone age.

Given that the real rarities will forever be out of my humble reach (a 1958 Gibson Explorer anyone? According to records, only 6 shipped that year), it means that my attention tends to be refocused on guitar delights from the 1970s and 1980s. Yes, before some of you get on your high horses, this is the exact same period that all ‘learned commentators’ vehemently and vociferously despise for poor quality, lost craftsmanship and corporate interference. The epoch that I’m talking about are the so-called ‘dark ages’ when CBS owned Fender, Norlin owned Gibson, Baldwin owned Gretsch and MCA owned Danelectro. However, my argument goes that, if you are rich or narrow-minded enough to close your eyes to anything post-1965, you will never see or experience some very creative experimentation. For example, the first tangible example of the Gibson Moderne didn’t appear until 1982-83 while the Gibson USA Map appeared only in 1983-84. Love these instruments (as I do) or loathe them (as many do), they shouldn’t be ignored without some contemplation. I maintain that there are many hidden treasures from this period and… one day… the nay-sayers will catch on and catch up.

There are plenty of odd creations from this period, some of which are great, some mundane, some remarkable and some downright awful. Into which category they fall into is not just what the purists say. For instance, there are some unpopular guitars out there with some very interesting attributes. Generally un‑loved Gibson examples include the S-1, Marauder, Sonex-180, Firebrand, ‘The Paul’, Invader, Challenger and Victory. Many of these unusual Gibsons are also on CRAVE Guitars’ ‘wanted’ list…

Fender also produced some unusual creations in the USA in the 1960s and 1970s, such as the Swinger, Marauder, the (mythical) Maverick, the XII, Bass VI and Montego II before going with the more mainstream but commercially unsuccessful Lead and Bullet. In Japan, Fender created guitars not based on previous fender designs including the Performer, Katana and Flame. Fender’s strategy from the mid‑1980s seems to have been to experiment with Squier models – if unsuccessful, they wouldn’t damage Fender’s credibility but if successful, they could be re‑branded by Fender.

Some of the ‘budget’ USA Fenders on CRAVE Guitars’ ‘wanted’ list…

Trivia fact folks: In 1982, Fender strategically consolidated its budget off-shore production under the Squier brand in Japan. However, did you know that Squier as a musical instrument company actually dates back to 1890, founded as V.C. Squier by Victor Carroll Squier in Michigan, USA? Squier was predominantly a string maker and supplier for Fender from 1963 before being acquired by Fender in early 1965 shortly before Fender itself was taken over by CBS in the same year. Fender marketed Squier strings until 1972 and, by 1975, Fender had dropped the Squier name. Squier remained dormant until it was revived in 1982 as the main brand for guitars built by the newly established Fender Japan Ltd.

Some of these short-lived eccentric guitars from Fender and Gibson are truly rare beasts with just a few hundred or low thousands ever going into circulation. Some of them will eventually attract speculators, simply because of their brand, age and relative scarcity, or through trendy artist association. For instance, vintage market values for the previously unloved Fender Bronco soared after Alex Turner of Arctic Monkeys used one and collector interest in the model grew rapidly. When that investment trigger is pulled, just watch the vintage values spiral quickly to silly levels, as keen demand outstrips limited supply. The Bronco is another model on CRAVE Guitars’ ‘wanted’ list.

Capitalist economics are founded on the principle of growth and, in order to keep growing, companies have to innovate. Logic suggests that some ventures will be more successful than others. As the late, great Frank Zappa (1940-1993) once said, “Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible”. He was right and that principle applies aptly to guitar heritage. When compared to the acknowledged classics, many of these lesser models didn’t last very long and quickly disappeared into relative obscurity without a second thought from musicians at the time. Many of these ephemeral idiosyncrasies and dead ends in the guitar family tree are the ones that fascinate me as much as the perennial classic designs do.

In the fickle consumer marketplace, success of new guitar models, even from major brands, isn’t pre-determined or assured. Just remember that some now-legendary Gibson guitars didn’t last long on their original release, e.g. the Explorer, Flying V (both 1958-59), Les Paul Standard (1958-1960), and ‘reverse’ Firebirds (1963-65), all of which were dropped due to poor sales, only to be reintroduced later to massive success. The Gibson Moderne was part of the ‘modernistic’ series designed in the late 1950s although it never reached market. Even Fender flopped with the original Jazzmaster and Jaguar. Now look at their popularity. I blame the punters myself (joke)!

As Stephen King wrote, “sometimes they come back”. The USA Map is not the only phoenix to rise from the ashes of past ‘failures’, following a quiescent period. Gibson examples include the L6-S, RD, Moderne and Melody Maker. Fender examples include the Coronado, Mustang, Duo‑Sonic and Bass VI. Glad to see them back, albeit in different form from their progenitors. We can expect these companies to keep trying to introduce shiny new models alongside the classics and these reintroductions for a new generation.

So is CRAVE Guitars’ skewed sense of objectivity in showcasing the oddball guitars from the past a risk worth taking in a fiercely competitive and currently unstable vintage guitar market? I think it is but you may well adopt a contrary view. Discuss…

I guess it’s all about balance – having enough of the widely-regarded classics to get a foot in the mental door of the attention deprived gearhead while also getting enough attention such that people become more aware of the delights of the many unique guitars that proliferate around the margins of major brand guitars. Is it just me or are those peculiar ‘ugly and plain duckling’ guitars mentioned above, fantastic examples of the guitar makers’ creative dalliances reflective of the world in which they were originally created? Will they ever be re‑evaluated as ‘beautiful swan’ guitars? Probably not, but they should not to be ridiculed as abhorrent out of prejudice without some sort of contextual re‑assessment.

Just take another look at the montages of some of the leftfield instruments from Fender and Gibson above and I challenge you to maintain that they are not worthy of your attention. I came across a plainly ignorant headline when doing this research for this article, “stupid CBS and Norlin era guitars”. I contest that such hyperbole represents uninformed rhetoric by someone who is possibly not very bright and mouthing off to get attention. I take the alternative view and suggest that they actually look pretty cool in context and they aren’t bad musical instruments to boot. Not only that, they make ideal entry points into the world of vintage guitar collecting, being relatively low cost and risk free. Yes, they have idiosyncrasies but so what? That just makes them all the more interesting.

What I must do, though, is to resist the temptation of obsessing solely on the weird and whacky to the exclusion of the familiar or it will just end up as a bizarre dead‑end, the point will be well and truly lost, and CRAVE Guitars will sink into the same obscurity as many of the oddities it intended to showcase. My aim is to present the unconventional alongside the conventional as necessary counterpoints of contemporary guitar design culture. Going Zen, they represent the yin and yang of guitars if you will.

Now that it seems I am ploughing this particular furrow, it reiterates the fundamental question I posed a couple of articles ago, that is, what the heck do I do next with CRAVE Guitars and how do I convert it into some sort of going concern? I’ve established that CRAVE Guitars has to be a modest entity, that it wants to be something different from the norm, but not so different that it becomes overlooked and invisible to would‑be enthusiasts and aficionados. I like to think that I’m doing something right.

You know what might just happen, based on my luck and actual experience? I will beat my head against the brick wall of impenetrable puritanical dogma until I eventually give up. The cynic inside me says that I’ll sell off the CRAVE Guitars’ family at ridiculously cheap prices just to move them on and, the day after I do that, the market will boom and others would benefit from exactly what I’d been striving for in splendid isolation for the last 10 years. The scathing axioms of ‘I told you so’ and ‘he was before his time’ will ring hollow in my desolate dispossession. I’ve been in that position before and it’s not a very nice place to be. So I will persevere.

That’s enough of the doom and gloom. More Positive Mental Attitude required – CRAVE Guitars is still here and hopefully here to stay in one form or another for the foreseeable future. Let’s get back to the crux and rejoice the glorious miscellany of vintage guitars, including all the many heterogeneous ‘mutations’ that have occurred along the way. We wouldn’t be able to judge the sublime without the ridiculous to measure them up against. They are all part and parcel of our diverse, crazy, guitar‑distracted life.

The celebration extends to the 1983 Gibson USA Map that started this little debate in the first place. I think the Map is wonderful in a zany sort of way and we shouldn’t lose sight of it as part of the bigger picture. Isn’t it funny how a seemingly straightforward event can lead to something deeper and, from my perspective, quite interesting? One thing I’m certain of is that purchasing an ‘ordinary’ Strat or Les Paul would not have warranted this sort of conversation.

I mentioned at the top of this article that I deliberated as to whether to buy the Map or something else more sensible. You may ask, what else I might have gone for, had I chosen to forgo the opportunity of acquiring the Map? There are many vintage guitars that I would be tempted to go after; way, way too many to mention. However, on this occasion it wasn’t a straightforward either/or decision. It was go for this or wait until something else cropped up to spark my craving (sic!). The Map just got there first. However, it wasn’t an easy decision for all the reasons outlined above. What next for the Map? Not a lot; it is so unique, it’s likely to hang around for a while. I did think it might become CRAVE Guitars’ signature instrument but the Les Paul logo still fits better with the image, I think. Thoughts?

Unless something changes, there is nothing new in the procurement pipeline for CRAVE Guitars at the moment, so next month’s soliloquy is likely to be back to rambling randomness (or “pretentious waffle” as my other half calls it!). In the meantime, spread peace, love and music to change lives for good and let’s make the world a better place, one guitar at a time. I’ll be plinking CRAVE Guitars’ most recent vintage acquisitions, the 1978 Fender Mustang covered two months ago and the 1983 Gibson USA Map.

I will keep looking for unusual guitars. On the basis of the research for this article, I may just take another look at what’s out there and report back in due course. The Map may just lead to something interesting!

Musically, I’m off too Looe Music Festival 2017 (29 September to 1 October) with The Jesus & Mary Chain, Lulu and Happy Mondays headlining and some other credible artists on the line up (The Undertones, Cast, Reverend & The Makers, etc.). This event signals that the UK’s music festival season is pretty much concluded for this year.

That’s it for now. Until next time…

CRAVE Guitars ‘Quote of the Month’: “Deviance is a lack of conformity which, to a degree is essential, as it separates the remarkable from the homogenous.”

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29 Oct 2016

October 2016 – The South of England Guitar Show 2016

by CRAVEGuitars | posted in: Event, News, Observations, Opinion | 0

Here’s a change of tack for CRAVE Guitars this month and not something I would normally pontificate about. Yes, there is still some pretentious waffling, so October 2016’s article is not a complete volte face on my part. Before I get going, though, a wee bit of background in 3 points…

My adult working life started in the music industry many, many years ago with very well-known UK south coast musical importer and distributor, which is still in business (and present at the titular event). The only point in mentioning this is that I’ve seen the world of guitar business from both sides of the tracks for a long time.
I have also been to many trade shows over the years and, like many, they become pretty ‘so what’ after a while, especially those where the big manufacturers predictably roll out their shiny new stock and their professional sellers push to move product to eager consumers (or dealers). This is a necessity in any sector and is just par-for-the-course in the world of music trade. The only point in mentioning this is that, over several decades, I’ve become jaded and the anticipatory excitement of pretty new toys at these gatherings has long-since faded. As a result, I haven’t been to a sales/exhibition event for a very long time.
I have also shifted away from new guitars, amps, pedals, etc. and refocused on older and vintage stuff. This passion for vintage guitars ‘n’ things germinated because I hung on to some nearly-new gear back in the day and it has now, inevitably and rather obviously, became old. New equipment rapidly lost its superficial gleam and, like me, the relic patina gained through years of continual use began to shine through in a very different way. The only point in mentioning this is that what I’m looking for now is very different to what appealed to me as a naïve teenager, when new=good, old=bad.

Beyond the cyclical round of big trade shows, I became aware of some regional shows also taking place in the calendar, clearly run by enthusiasts passionate about the subject matter, rather than sterile accountants obsessed with maximising the contribution to the bottom line. These ‘boutique’ events looked much more alluring to me because they encapsulated the desire for guitar music, rather than the drive for mere cash profit. To my chagrin, though, most of these provincial events took place around the north of England. Now, I have nothing against the north other than my own innate laziness to travel and the demands of a full working/family life, so these events came and went without me.

I have, though, campaigned for a while on social media to bring guitar shows down south. Let’s face it, the urbanised south east is where a lot of the country’s filthy lucre is stashed away, so the vacuum down here was a bit perplexing. This may be because of the prohibitive costs of putting something on anywhere near London, especially during recessionary times.

My ‘prayers’ were to be answered. Roll forward to October 2016. Peter and Gail from Northern Guitar Shows (notice the name) thankfully saw an opportunity to address the issue and hosted the South Of England Guitar Show at Kempton Park Racecourse in Surrey this year. Even better, they put me on the guest list – so a big “thank you” to them. Now there was an additional incentive to get out of bed and haul my lazy fat arse over the county boundary and go see what was on offer.

My jaundiced and sceptical view of the music instrument industry (colloquially known as M.I.) has been reinforced by my recent experiences of arrogant vintage and new guitar retailers in both London and the south east. Restoring a little faith, the South Of England Guitar Show was very busy with ordinary folks keen to partake and it looked to be a major success. It also turned out to be an enjoyable experience for a weary, road-worn music veteran. All credit to Northern Guitar Shows for taking the risk with us fickle softy southerners.

Yes, there were the usual trade exhibitors, which one accepts, but none of the corporate big boys – no Gibson, Fender, Marshall, etc. For some, that may have been a disappointment, to me it was a blessing. To many stallholders, exhibitors and performers, it was probably run-of-the-mill and part of the annual trade circuit. Again, to me, it was refreshingly ‘intimate’ and, mostly, friendly. There were, of course, the usual dickheads who come out of the woodwork to frequent these things and make their presence known but, like bad weather, one just has to put up with them.

I was pleasantly surprised at the diverse range of smaller companies making the effort to extract my (sadly hard-earned, rather than ill-gotten) currency. Of note were some up-and-coming guitar makers presenting their wares, including among many others, Palm Bay Guitars, Stone Wolf Guitars and Flaxwood Guitars, all of whom make very pretty and practical musical instruments.

I was also pleasantly surprised by the number and variety of vintage instruments for sale including some VERY nice, but expensive, pieces – too many to mention here. The mix of new and vintage was something that has clearly come about since the last time I trudged around exhibition halls – thinking about it, there probably wasn’t a mainstream ‘vintage’ market way back then, at least not in the way there is now.

There was also decent live music on offer and a host of fringe stuff to maintain broader interest. Of note was The John Verity Band – to those that remember, he was in the band Argent and is a very good blues/rock guitarist. Also worth a listen was industry veteran Phil Harris commentating provocatively about the obsession with vintage authenticity by suggesting that reproductions can not only be as good as the originals but in many cases better. It was refreshing to hear someone who has profited considerably from the vagaries of the vintage market arguing to the contrary in very pragmatic terms. He is quite a nifty guitarist too. The objectionable high-net worth collector market aberration is something that I have also tried to articulate in my blogs but, heh, who listens to me?

Not only did I wander the aisles academically looking for a variety of desirable bits and pieces, I actually shelled out some dosh on a selected vintage item. I had made the effort to be there and so had the sellers, so I wasn’t about to leave empty‑handed. Was I tempted by the usual array of vintage Strats, Teles, Les Pauls, ES‑335s, et al, all going for what I still think is silly money? Hell yes, of course I was – don’t be ridiculous! Even though the art of haggling is still accepted at these events, the prime guitars were all (sadly) way out of my price range, especially during my current period of enforced purchasing abstinence.

So, you may ask, what did I come back with? My eye had been caught by a very modest and reasonably priced cute little guitar… a 1964-ish black sparkle Silvertone 1449 complete from Terry’s Guitars. Terry is selling much of his guitar collection and this baby was up for sale. For those who may not know, Silvertone guitars were made by Danelectro in the ‘60s for the American Sears & Roebuck department stores and were sold as a set with their ‘amp-in-case’ as an ‘all-in-one’ solution for beginners. The Silvertone is pure Danelectro, complete with twin ‘lipstick’ pickups and vinyl tape body edging. The 1449’s sweet 5-watt valve amp features a tremolo circuit and 8” speaker, all of which is cleverly integrated into the slim (and heavy) guitar case. While not the first or last, as an offering to the mass market, it was a genius idea from half a century ago and a move that proved very successful for Sears and Danelectro.

The guitar was very competitively priced because the headstock has a crack in it which, while relatively common, had been poorly ‘repaired’ (with screws – yikes!). This will need professionally seeing to and I feel a trip to see Dave at Eternal Guitars coming on. However, the guitar was otherwise very clean and all-original, and the ‘amp-in-case’ was working (albeit with a new Weber speaker to replace the original). In fact, the valve amp sounds VERY good for what was originally a budget practice amp. So, 52 years after it was made, this particular Silvertone has found a new home at CRAVE Guitars. One wonders where it might be in another 52 years’ time. Who knows?

I was interested in this particular guitar because I have been looking for a vintage Danelectro for ages; CRAVE has a 2008 Chinese-built Dano ’63 which is a modern interpretation of the 1449 (but no case), so this seemed an ideal match. The Silvertone also fits with CRAVE Guitars’ core ethos – Cool & Rare American Vintage Electric guitars (that’s what the acronym CRAVE stands for after all) – and the meek little hybrid ticked all 5 essential criteria. After a short haggle, Terry let me have it for a reasonable price, including the step-down transformer for the amp’s 110V power supply, which all works perfectly. Thanks Terry. What a cool guy! Striking a great vintage deal was the icing on the cake for a Sunday out with a difference.

So, kudos to all concerned. The good news is that the South of England Guitar Show will return to Surrey on 29^th October 2017. My advice? Why not give it a go if you like the idea. Until next time…

CRAVE Guitars ‘Music Quote of the Month’: “Age does not stop a guitarist, death does.”

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Event

Prelude

Previously… on ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Brief Update on ‘The Distortion Diaries’

The Main Premise of ‘The Distortion Diaries’

The Main Characters of ‘The Distortion Diaries’

The Plot of ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Some brief excerpts from ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Excerpt from Day 1:

Excerpt from Day 19:

Excerpt from Day 32:

The Good News about ‘The Distortion Diaries’

The Not So Good News about ‘The Distortion Diaries’

Final Thoughts about ‘The Distortion Diaries’

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month’

Tailpiece

Prelude

Introducing… The CRAVEman Cometh

Evolution of The CRAVEman Cometh

The use of AI for The Craveman Cometh

The Adventures of the CRAVEman Cometh

A Day/Week/Month/Year in the Life of The CRAVEman

Final Thoughts on The CRAVEman Cometh

The Real CRAVE Cave

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month’

Tailpiece

Prelude

CRAVE Guitars Gear 2024 (0)

Some of those that left the building in 2024 (20):

2024 album releases purchased (27):

2024 major gigs (2)

Various tangential observations about 2024

Final thoughts on the end of 2024: the future starts here

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month (and Year)’

Tailpiece

Prelude

Happy 10th Online Anniversary CRAVE Guitars

A moment of reflection

Final thoughts on a virtual tinny decade

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month’

Tailpiece

Happy 10^th Online Anniversary CRAVE Guitars