Prelude

YO GOOD PEOPLES. Welcome once more to the virtual hamlet of non sequitur‑ville, population c.1. You may have noticed my annoying application of asinine alliteration, idiotic idioms and my tendency toward meandering narrative prose (duh!), so perhaps it’s some sort of disorder worth looking into. As hinted at previously, CRAVE Guitars is deliberately changing things around a bit this month. Nothing like a bit of variety, eh? You may well be grateful of a short(er) article after several recent rather lengthy and convoluted tomes, so I’m content to oblige on this particular occasion.

At the time of publication, autumn is wending its inexorable passage towards winter, so here’s a snippet of classical pertinent poetry to get you in the mood for some further flowery philology.

“There is a harmony in autumn,
and a lustre in its sky,
which through the summer is not heard or seen,
as if it could not be,
as if it had not been!”
Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792‑1822)

Is it just me or do most sensible people wish for a world free from bellicose brutality? If only sensible people ran the world. If only the message would get through to said belligerent barbarians seemingly devoid of any form of reasonable moral compass. War = Bad. Peace = Good. Simple. The relevance, use and impact of words and their ability to generate positive change will become clear… eventually… I promise.

“No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world” – John Keating (1927‑)

This time around, I thought I would spend a few moments of superficial but personal self‑analysis, something that I normally feel very uncomfortable about. Perhaps that’s the stereotypical reserved Brit syndrome, I don’t know. I rarely discuss myself, especially in the first person, so this is a very unusual post. While I might refer to this topic somewhat flippantly and to some extent facetiously, it turns out that, perhaps, the author presents somewhat of an enigma and a conundrum.

This exploratory examination is also probably something that will be of little interest to many readers so, if you want to quit at this point, that’s absolutely fine. Thanks for looking in. However, as this change of approach will impact on CRAVE Guitars business‑as‑usual output for a (hopefully short) while, it probably warrants a bit of explanation. If the idiom that ‘those who can’t write, write about writing’ holds water, well, here is all the evidence required for condemnation. Sadly few images this month, only thousands of words.

“If you want to change the world, pick up your pen and write” – Martin Luther (1483‑1546)

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What I write

This article is something like the 84^th since I started CRAVE Guitars’ online presence back in 2014 (more on that next month). Apart from the extended ‘hiatus’ (2020‑2023), articles have been published at the rate of one a month. I don’t actively engage with any other form of writing other than to keep a personal daily journal and the unavoidable daily communications.

As a professional bureaucrat for over three decades, I wrote a great deal of business documents, briefings, academic learning materials, strategic and business plans, project and performance management reports, speeches, presentations, etc. etc. All very ‘real’ and original in their own way; nothing particularly enjoyable or satisfying though. My frustration with organisational writing is that it was all ephemeral and didn’t make any noticeable difference to humanity, at least not directly. Looking back, there was no legacy of lasting change and nothing to show for all the hard work that went into it. Nothing ‘me’. The discipline, though, did teach me how to write but only in a structured, formal way. I would hate to think all those years of ‘training’ were for nought.

“The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do” – Thomas Jefferson (1743‑1846)

For nearly the past decade, I’ve been writing about my near‑lifelong craving (sic!) for vintage guitars. Why? I love ‘em. Plain and simple. To me, they are an ‘amour-fou’ (an obsessive passion). Writing about vintage gear has (generally) been rewarding. It started with features on my own vintage guitars before branching out into features on brands, amps, effects and, latterly, bass guitars.

Over time, writing also extended to blog articles and that broadened out even further to include many other related topics – to a greater or lesser extent. Now, I’m writing about writing about vintage guitars et al. The next stage, as we’ll see later, I’ll be writing about writing about writing, all of which is getting just a bit circular, a bit like the mythical Ouroboros (NB. an ancient Egyptian and Greek symbol depicting a serpent consuming its own tail).

I will return to the topic of vintage guitars in due course; I’m just taking a pause from the risk of getting stuck in a barrel or dredging a rut (as well as mixing metaphors for fun, another annoying trait – apologies). I need to come up with another, different obtuse angle… or even a cute angle (lol) on vintage guitars, hopefully something not done by others.

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading” – Buddha (Siddhārtha Gautama – c.480 400BCE)

Article writing about vintage guitars is one thing and it supports the CRAVE Guitars ‘brand’. However, I would like to do something different. Something non‑factual, something light and frivolously engaging, something that bestows some lingering fascination and perhaps something to stimulate debate. The value of the arts lies in its ability to provoke an emotional reaction, rather than simply to represent reality in some way. Discuss…

“Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality” – Edgar Allan Poe (1809‑1849)

I could write about many subjects other than vintage guitars and music. I have several other keen interests, although none quite as all‑consuming. However, generally speaking, writing about other disconnected things on this platform would divert focus away from vintage guitars and music.

Language is an interesting area of study. In many ways, language is like music, to be played and crafted into something ostensibly magical. Like music, language can be composed either well into a thing of beauty, or badly into a reprehensible ugly mess. I am fascinated by words and the way in which we can construct the vernacular in novel (sic!) ways. This might explain why I use a broad vocabulary in a discursive, arguably prolix, way. Why use one common word when several obscure ones will do (sorry, Mr. Jefferson)? Languorous language is rejected and embellished English rules Britannia, at least this tiny corner of it. One is not attempting to be ‘too clever by half’ (NB. A ‘Britishism’ used in, ‘The Interpreter’ (1958) by George J. Whyte‑Melville). Honest guv’nor. At least my particular portion of precisely practised poetic prose is entirely first hand. No plagiarism and no AI here.

“All I need is a sheet of paper and something to write with, and then I can turn the world upside down” – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844‑1900)

Latterly, I have been hampered by issues of copyright over images. For instance, I would really like to take a look at guitars as they have appeared in the visual arts throughout history (fine art, popular culture, film, etc.). However, to do that really requires images of the artworks to support the narrative. Without images, such an article (or series of articles more likely) would be utterly pointless. As a non‑profit entity, I cannot publish images without permissions and royalties, thereby rendering the entire concept moot, null and void before it even gets off the ground. Sigh.

“Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way” – Ray Bradbury (1920‑2012)

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Why I write

A more difficult question requires a moment of introspection. I sometimes wonder what motivates people, me included, to write. Thus far, a good enough answer eludes me. One thing might be that I just feel compelled to write (not convinced). Another might be a wish to leave some sort of tangible record (if not possible to do so in other ways). Yet another may be that I simply enjoy the writing process (again, not convinced), regardless of whether anyone actually takes much notice. I have tried to estimate the audience and it is likely to be no more than a handful in total. In the end, it seems I can’t not do it (excuse the double negative).

An issue with writing for a virtual platform is that it could be wiped out entirely in an instant, never to be recovered, even if anyone wanted to resurrect it. Recently a malicious incident at my Internet Service Provider caused a near‑catastrophe; fortunately, everything was recovered after a few difficult days. Alternatively, once I end my tenure on this planet, CRAVE Guitars’ documents will disappear overnight. Forever. So much for a lasting legacy, eh?

So… if the absolute readership level is so trifling, the only possible conclusion I can reach is that article writing seems to be an immense amount of hard work and effort for such a small audience. Does that actually matter? Which brings me back to thorny question of why I bother. Perhaps the change of direction for a while might help to aid such contemplation. Perhaps it may be time to review my ‘return on investment’ and divert some effort from feature and article writing into another personal pet project, just for a while. The slowdown in acquiring vintage guitar gear also points in that direction.

“There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are” – W. Somerset Maugham (1874‑1965)

Is it just that I’m just a bad writer? I hope not and I trust someone would have the courage to tell me if the content was genuinely awful, either in subject matter or narrative style. It seems, though, that I need to have some sort of restless creative outlet, something to relieve the intense pressure cooker raging in my chaotic cranium.

All in all, not a very deep analysis so far. There must (must there? Really?) be some other reason why I feel the urge to put fingertip to keypad and compose unfocused prosaic narrative for other folks to consume. Just a thought? How does one go about measuring competence in a subjective field such as writing?

Which brings us onto my idiosyncratic writing process. Pretentious? Undoubtedly. Profound? Perhaps, occasionally. Original? Is anything original these days? Entertaining? I would like to think so. Pointless? I hope not. I attempt to carve and mould my own distinctive style, rather than copy the approach taken by those far better at it than I will ever be. My unusual technique has developed into something weirdly eccentric and eccentrically verbose. I know that. I can’t help it. An eclectic style can certainly be divisive. Readers will probably either love it or hate it – no middle ground. I cannot, however, be apologetic for the facts. Sorry folks.

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing” – Benjamin Franklin (1706‑1790)

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Why I do not allow comments

Apologies for hobby‑horsing for a moment. Time for a little biased judgemental opinion. You may have noticed that CRAVE Guitars’ does not allow comments on blog articles. Like most dudes with a massive superego and crippling self‑doubt, I am inherently super‑sensitive and have an innate fear of criticism and rejection.

I invest a considerable amount of time and effort in researching and writing monthly articles, probably 7‑10 full working days per article. So much so, that I am not prepared to submit my efforts to ridicule by acerbic trolls who put absolutely zero time, effort and intellect into being confrontational for no other reason than they can. I am willing to forgo the occasional positive comment in order to evade many negative ones. I welcome constructive criticism but I will not lay myself open to ignorance, reactionary contempt and derision.

Anti-social media has sadly become a vitriolic battle ground for the disgruntled to promulgate their abhorrent brand of ‘free speech’ (Musk et al take note). In the ‘free’ world, it may be a right to express one’s opinion but true rights carry significant moral responsibility in order to balance out deviant extremes. Freedom is not about being able to do and say whatever one wants with impunity. ‘Free speech’ is not a poorly conceived unilateral entitlement, it carries with it weighty conscience and considerable consequence. Hard fought for freedoms are a privilege within tolerant societies and should be cherished and nurtured, not abused on a whim.

“Virtue is persecuted more by the wicked than it is loved by the good” – Buddha (Siddhārtha Gautama – c.480 400BCE)

Don’t get me wrong, I am a staunch anti‑censorship advocate but, let’s be honest here, that isn’t what these self‑appointed critical pseudo‑moralists are all about. These self‑styled evangelists want selective liberties that support their prejudiced dogmas and insist on selective suppression of anything that does not accord with such partisan doctrines.

A quick soapbox aside… I have a similar anathema to the PC minority brigade wanting to re‑write established literature to remove or alter what they feel is inappropriate. I would go as far as to suggest that it is a wrongdoing against history and a precipitous thin end of the wedge. If we condone the censorship of authentic literature once, where will it end? If we don’t take a stand, one can envisage the repeated re‑writing of literature over time until it bears little resemblance to the original. Literature, for good or bad, should be respected intact and we can learn from the cultural context it provides.

The eradication of swathes of authentic heritage on the whim of a few just because they ‘don’t like it’ (however intellectually argued) is unconscionable to anyone with any common sense. Exactly who decides how selective censorship is used? Who decides the revisionist version of history on behalf of humanity? Who decides what previous generations’ art is culturally acceptable or not? Who decides what future generations are permitted to read/see/hear? Discuss…

I do not shy away from genuine, healthy debate (whether ‘intellectual’ or not) but I abhor confrontation, especially pointless assaults based on indoctrination or proselytization. It is even worse for disagreements on petty principle to be played out visibly in the public domain. I’ll leave all that contemptuous cacophony of cruelty to self‑opinionated ‘influencers’ and ‘celebrities’ and their trite, trivial tantrums.

Neither do I wish to commit far too much of my life wasting time and effort on people who have no special interest in the subject matter. If someone really wants to get in touch, they can – the e‑mail address is at the bottom of every page on the web site. All I ask for in any communication is authenticity, integrity, dignity and respect. Everything else will be summarily blocked and deleted.

People, eh? Not a fan. ‘Nuff said. (NB. A colloquial idiom and contraction of ‘enough said’, implying the end of discussion, first documented in 1778 by playwright Henry Brooke)

“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple” – Jack Kerouac (1922‑1969)

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Deep Thinking

Apologies folks, we’re going on a quick diversion for a trifling titbit of cognitive psychology. That’s the discipline which helps us to understand how humans obtain, process, store and use information. It is about perception, memory, language, attention, creativity, intuition and reasoning. Don’t panic! It will make sense. The idea of deep thinking is not new, Greek philosopher Socrates (c.470‑399BCE) suggested that we reflect on and question the world around us.

Having tried many times over many years, it seems that I am totally incapable of diving deeply into my own internally‑focused thought processes to resolve who I really am, what I really need and why I am the way I am. I simply cannot ‘find’ myself, using common parlance. My inner psyche remains concealed from me. Yet, I seem to have little difficulty contemplating universal unknowns, suggesting an external focus. Perhaps, I thought, it was worth investigating what’s going on.

“Creativity is intelligence having fun” – Albert Einstein (1885-1955)

The author’s dipolar struggle may explain a lot while also raising many questions. It appears, for want of an emotive label, to make me a ‘conflicted soul’. This is not a medical or psychotherapeutic prognosis, simply an entirely amateur observation. However, it triggered some shallow yearning for insight. For the list‑o‑philes out there, this is one of only two this month. Enjoy.

Twelve traits of deep thinking people include:

1. Introverted – Reserved and quiet. A loner who doesn’t seek social interaction and actively avoids contact with people. Reclusive
2. Observant – Say less, observe more. Pausing before reaching a conclusion. Not easily swayed by popular opinion
3. Quirkily humorous – Silly, juvenile, witty, comical and often self‑deprecating, often misunderstood
4. Avid reader – Thirsty for knowledge with an innate need to learn more and expand understanding
5. Forgetful – Overlook trivial social obligations and daily chores, as these things don’t much matter. Easily distracted. Tendency to overthink. Hard to relax
6. Intensely curious – Highly inquisitive. Never bored. Question assumptions. Interested in BIG issues. Passionate for learning and knowledge. Embracing of ambiguity and complexity
7. Forward planner – take time to think about the future and where to fit in (or not). Strategic and not detail oriented
8. Problem solver – Analyse patterns, identify potential obstacles, build innovative approaches and develop potential practical solutions
9. Socially awkward – Dislike many culturally accepted norms, roles and expected behaviours on a daily basis. Meaningful conversations matter, not small talk
10. Fiercely independent – Highly self‑reliant, content with solitude as a conscious choice. Doesn’t seek contact with, or dependence on, others
11. Creative – Artistic, imaginative, inventive, original, resourceful. Interested in the new and different (NB. ‘new’ implies ‘different’ by default)
12. Empathic – Emotionally sensitive. Compassionate and understanding, able to see both sides of a situation. Open minded

I check at least 13 out of the 12! So, does that make me a deep thinker? I genuinely don’t think so. What I do know, though, and this the point, I don’t think like other people. I never have. What does this actually mean in the real world? How long have you got? It also might explain why I don’t know what to do when (if!) I ever grow up. I fear that I will (have to) grow up one day. It may account for my aberrant behaviour, delusional thought processes and deviant misanthropic attitude. I said this was going to be short, so the answers to these querulous questions are possibly best left for another time and place. If at all. Ever. Don’t hold your breath.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its reason for existing” Albert Einstein (1885-1955)

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Ambitions and aspirations

I am long past being driven, self‑seeking and ambitious. That was my decades‑long professional life working for ‘the man’, thankfully now behind me. Now, it is (largely) up to me what I do. My post‑employment lifestyle doesn’t accord with ruthless go‑getting, not that I ever had a game‑playing ‘killer instinct’ anyway. The rat race (NB. The term rat race dates back at least to 1783, used to describe a literal race between rats, now used as a metaphor for a pointless and relentless, competitive struggle) is now for others to endure. I still have lofty aspirations. Probably deluded ones but aspirations nevertheless. Doing something that matters is a key stimulus.

The one thing that I would like to achieve is to be a better human bean. Failing that, I would like to play guitar better and learn the language of music. Failing that, I would like to write better. It seems important to me to have my work valued and appreciated – for some sort of external validation (not very Zen). In addition, for some reason I really cannot glean, I yearn to leave some form of lasting legacy behind; a simple mark on the universe rather than the total obscurity of being just one anonymous, invisible momentary placeholder in the 8+ billion transient souls on this infernal rock of ours. Basically, I do not want to be forgotten – as if I’d never existed.

“Fiction is an improvement of life” – Charles Bukowski (1920‑1994)

That’s it in a nutshell. That’s not too much to ask is it? Probably. So what? A knotty question that leads me neatly onto…

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This is IT – The Distortion Diaries

If, by this point, you are wondering where all this is going, it is now time for the ‘BIG REVEAL’. I have hinted that I would be changing my approach for a (hopefully) short period of time and that there was a genuine reason for doing so. Now is time to divulge my poorly premeditated plan. The result is… ‘The Distortion Diaries’.

Last year (2023), I wrote a first draft of a fiction novel. As already mentioned, I wanted to do something different. Something imaginative and original, not factual and not opinionated. I intended to undertake a first edit earlier in 2024 and to expand the content considerably during the summer and be going through a second, harsh edit around now. Unfortunately, other unavoidable activities and my diligent approach towards research and writing CRAVE Guitars articles has prevented me from sticking to the plan. With everything else going on, something had to give. Capacity is finite and there simply wasn’t enough of it to dedicate to a novel as well. Such a venture requires better than that.

So… the aim is to make a bit of space and time to do some of the focused work on the novel. Writing fiction is quite different from articles and presents a new discipline. It isn’t something that can be picked up and put down on a whim. It takes lengthy periods of comprehensive concentration. If the novel is ever going to reach fruition, it implies a bubble of space and time in which to do it.

“Description begins in the writer’s imagination but should finish in the reader’s” – Stephen King (1947‑)

When I started writing ‘The Distortion Diaries’, I intended it to be a fictional part‑biography of a wannabe musician. However, very early on, I realised two key things. The first key factor was that the subject matter on its own could not avoid cliché – it would be utterly predictable and therefore probably exceedingly dull. The second key factor was that such a story would be very short unless there was a significant amount of irrelevant, boring filler (to be avoided!). So the shape and style morphed into something completely and utterly different. Once I’d had the epiphany, everything fell into place. Like the CRAVE Guitars name, the title, ‘The Distortion Diaries’ has multiple meanings.

‘The Distortion Diaries’ could now be described as a rom-sex-com-music-bio-mystery-drama-thriller-fantasy about man’s eternally favourite tripartite – sex, drugs and rock & roll (not necessarily in that order). Oh, and the meaning of life (42, according to author Douglas Adams), as well as a coming of middle‑age saga. That is a very broad ‘genre’ mash‑up. It could potentially prove to be a disastrous mess, even with careful handling.

‘The Distortion Diaries’ will carry a strong ‘Parental Advisory’ warning, for two reasons. One is that parents should probably not read it. Another is that it is extremely explicit. The latter is something that authors try to suggest rather than be overt. Why? I find political correct avoidance of fundamental human motivations and behaviours exasperating and represent a centuries‑long unwritten rule just begging to be broken, whether people like it or not. Nobody forces someone to read something, it is an entirely discretionary activity. If you don’t like it, go and read something you do like. Your choice.

“Words can be like X‑rays if you use them properly – they’ll go through anything. You read and you’re pierced” – Aldous Huxley (1894‑1963)

‘The Distortion Diaries’ is very different from your average high street and supermarket pop novel. Neither is it ‘pulp fiction’ (NB. Popular grimy and lurid genre novels printed on cheap paper, called ‘pulp’, dating from the early 20^th Century). This ‘epic’ work is written intended for universal consumption and represents an uncompromising condensation of mainstream mundanity, intense sexuality and serendipitous happenstance. The Distortion Diaries is a colourful tale about the monochrome lives of plain ordinary people with a controversially unorthodox denouement. Let’s not get carried away, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ or ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’, this is not. Sorry ‘bout that.

“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story” – Frank Herbert (1920‑1986)

The story eschews traditional three‑act structure and attempts to avoid bland ‘creative writing’ clichés. Neither does it fall into the beatnik‑style stream of consciousness one‑act structure. It does, however, attempt to tell a straightforward story while also trying (hopefully) to subvert expectations. The only formulaic concession is its adherence to a well‑trodden linear, episodic diary‑type structure (the hint is in the title folks!).

Who is my writing inspired by? No‑one in particular. Just good writing in whatever form. Who is my writing like? I would never be so vain as to venture comparison. Who is The Distortion Diaries written for? Everyone (adult) and no‑one. I guess I wrote it for myself. Why should anyone read it? Difficult one. Perhaps someone seeking a temporary, idle distraction from the hard realities of birth, life and death. What do I like to read? A very diverse range of fictional works with few particular commonalities. Moving on…

“Words have a magical power. They can either bring the greatest happiness or the deepest despair” – Sigmund Freud (1856‑1939)

The novel’s synopsis is a crucial summary that tests from the outset whether there is anything worthwhile to the concept. The following outline is intentionally vague and ambiguous. If too much is given away in a ‘teaser trailer’, it won’t hold any surprises later on.

“The Distortion Diaries.

Terry plays in a band. He doesn’t have a Girlfriend. He hasn’t had a Girlfriend for some time. Terry has a dreary job in IT. He lives alone with his feline overlord. One day, Terry decides to document his wretched existence in a journal. Rather than the journal reflecting and recording Terry’s dreary life, the journal begins to change it. A Lot. Is Terry’s life pre‑determined by fate or is his destiny in his own hands? Only his journal knows.

Based on a false story”

Intrigued? I hope so. Even I was pleasantly surprised how it turned out, even in rough first draft form. No profound insights into existential enquiries on this occasion. Let’s be clear, this is not serious literature; it is purely for entertainment purposes. Light and fluffy it certainly ain’t though.

“What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure” – Samuel Johnson (1709‑1784)

Mock‑up cover artwork has already been designed, although I feel it’s a bit premature to publish at this juncture, as it may change drastically. Sorry folks. Hopefully, I’ll drop that if/when there is a future update.

I guess it could have been called, ‘The Karma Chronicles’ but I prefer the chosen title. Just to set the record straight, it is NOT in any way autobiographical. The fact that I play guitar (badly) and I am owned by a cat is neither here nor there. As a ‘writer’, I do occasionally steal the ‘good stuff’ from my own repertoire, so there may well be the odd choice phrase from CRAVE Guitars’ articles appearing in the script.

At some point, I will have to produce a more detailed ‘pitch’ that summarises the content but that will come once the task of expanding the narrative, fleshing out the characters and editing the full novel for coherence has been completed. I think the ‘pitch’ is important, as it provides an important reality check during the process. If the ‘pitch’ doesn’t work, the whole thing won’t work. Simple as that. I hope to finish writing and editing the novel in 2025. No pressure then.

“The first draft is just you telling yourself the story” – Terry Pratchett (1948‑2015)

Ideally, I would like to go against the norm (nothing new there!) and self‑publish this little vanity project of mine. I have absolutely no idea how to go about self‑publishing or even if it possible, let alone feasible. Then there are the not‑inconsequential issues of distribution and sales. That, though comes much later. Currently, there is nothing to deliver and peddle. So, first things first.

The trick, if there is one, is to find a way to build an identity that cuts through and stands out from the thousands of other works churned out every day, week, month and year. CRAVE Guitars hasn’t succeeded yet (sadly), so it is clear that there is absolutely no chance of a breakthrough by simply existing these days. If anyone has any bright ideas or can help bring this assignment to fruition, please let me know.

Readers may have noticed over the last decade that I do not seek fame and fortune. I keep my private persona very much out of the limelight and I try to remain intentionally anonymous. For this reason, ‘The Distortion Diaries’ (if it ever enters the public domain) will appear under a nom de plume (the pseudonym has already been decided, to be revealed at a later date). I shall endeavour to remain an enigma hiding behind the keyboard’s shadow.

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed” – Ernest Hemingway (1899‑1961)

I did contemplate publishing ‘The Distortion Diaries’ in serialised form on the website. I decided against it for three main reasons. The first is that a purely fictional tale doesn’t really ‘fit’ with the CRAVE Guitars ‘brand’ – basically it has nothing to do with vintage guitars. Even if the novel’s protagonist is a guitarist, the stretch is too far to make sense. The second is that it is, as mentioned above, extremely explicit, which isn’t what I want CRAVE Guitars to be known for. The third is that the duration of a serialisation would side‑line all other subject matter for a couple of years, which I am not really prepared to do. However, if it is ever published, I am sure that I won’t be able to resist promoting it here.

If, as forecast by my overly well‑telegraphed lack of confidence and low self‑esteem, I don’t get anywhere with writing and publishing it as a novel, I may decide to abridge it and publish sanitised excerpts on the web site. It would not be an ideal outcome but possibly better than it being lost in the infinite void of forgotten and cancelled dreams, like the noblest endeavours of so many other wannabe authors.

“Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately after they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish” – Hermann Hesse (1877‑1962)

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20 Questions

What follows is a mock ‘interview’ with the author of ‘The Distortion Diaries’

1. Will ‘The Distortion Diaries’ ever be published? Probably not but I hope so.
2. Will it be an international best seller? Definitely not.
3. Awards worthy? Not a hope in hell – and I’ve been there.
4. Required academic reading? Hah‑ha! You’re kidding, right?
5. Will it be worth a punt? Our protagonist insists on that being the case.
6. Is it sordid and seedy? Yup, for sure, for sure. Full of sleaze and exploitation.
7. Unhinged? Not even close. Bad things do happen but so do good things.
8. Is it edgy? It depends on the reader’s perspective. I try to manipulate ideas, as well as to challenge assumptions and undermine preconceptions.
9. Is it controversial? Hopefully it will generate credible debate. And criticism. Lots of criticism.
10. Will it offend people? It is not intentional but, inevitably, someone will always find something to complain about.
11. It sounds divisive? Like Marmite. Lots and lots of Marmite.
12. What’s all this about ‘distortion’? It has multiple meanings. You’ll have to read it to find out.
13. Is it a feel good or feel bad story? It doesn’t matter, as long as you feel something.
14. Isn’t it just the same old tortured muso type, struggling in a tired pop music industry cliché, overcoming the odds? I haven’t read every genre saga but I don’t believe that it is overly derivative. Nothing is truly original these days.
15. Will readers learn anything about the human condition? If they are open‑minded, possibly. The male experience is woefully under‑represented in contemporary fictional literature. This may help to address the imbalance.
16. What message is it trying to convey? Whatever the reader wants to deduce.
17. Will there be other stories or sequels? Who knows? I don’t. I have some ideas for a cunning spin‑off though.
18. If you had to use just one word to sum up the story, what would it be? Compelling.
19. How will people be able to read it? To be determined. It’s too early to say.
20. Who would you like to direct a movie of the story? Irrelevant. It’s never going to happen.

I personally do not seek social recognition or even the prospect of it. However, I would like to think that the product of my creativity might one day be admired. That would be a bonus rather than a rationale. Simply a desire to stimulate thoughts through my work and the knowledge that such thinking exists, albeit ephemerally. My satisfaction and reward comes in the execution of the process to the best of my ability (good or bad). I may write the story that no-one will ever read. However writing it is my achievement and my only necessary reward. Any success would constitute welcome deferred gratification. Very Zen.

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Final thoughts on the power of words

I started off by saying that words have the power to generate positive change. Well… CRAVE Guitars’ features and blog articles haven’t really achieved that, have they? So, will The Distortion Diaries change the world? Sadly, it won’t. However, in the meantime, it might generate some harmless satisfaction and gentle fulfilment as a diversion from our otherwise mundane existences.

Closing the loop started at the top of this article… Should I attempt to change the world? Yes, absolutely. We all should do our bit to promote a better civilisation, society, communities, families and ourselves. We should not accept anything other than peace. We are, after all, partly responsible, even accountable, for how things are today, tomorrow and all the days thereafter. Future generations will scrutinise what we did to our planet and species.

“So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell: ‘I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!’” – Howard Beale (character in the film, ‘Network’ (1976), played by Peter Finch).

Together, if the collective will is there, a united movement for a better world can achieve greatness. Easily said, hard to accomplish. It is way too easy to abrogate our moral and ethical duties, and look to others for blame, redemption and salvation. The lame “it wasn’t me, I didn’t do it” argument is simply not good enough.

“I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, you can’t prove anything” – Bart Simpson

Great words, carefully chosen can help to bring about great things. There are not enough vocal advocates for good. There are fewer vocal advocates who have the means for good. There are even fewer vocal advocates with the will and the means for good.

“An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea” – Buddha (Siddhārtha Gautama – c.480 400BCE)

Poorly chosen words can do a great deal of harm, as can carefully chosen words of bad people. Most of the rhetoric we hear from those in positions of power today is largely negative and critical. Propaganda obscures the truth such that we no longer know what truth is. War has never brought peace, only cataclysmic carnage. Only diplomacy through sincere words can stop war and deliver lasting reconciliation.

“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill” – Buddha (Siddhārtha Gautama – c.480 400BCE)

You may say that such a simplistic stance is all a bit of ‘pie in the sky’ (NB. a phrase coined by itinerant immigrant labourer Joe Hill in 1911 to describe unrealistic goals), and an outmoded hippie pipe dream (NB. a 19^th Century phrase referring to the dreams experienced by opium pipe smokers). You may say that such hope is just delusional romanticism and impossible wishful thinking? Guilty as charged. One has to have hope in a better humanity, otherwise we are all doomed. Time to change, then.

“I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act” – Buddha (Siddhārtha Gautama – c.480 400BCE)

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CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month‘

As I’m changing things around a bit, there is no relevant reason for this month’s selection. So… what was the first ever album you bought for yourself, with your own money? Well, the simple answer to that question for me was…

Pink Floyd – Meddle (1971). ‘Meddle’ was the 6^th studio album by the English progressive rock band Pink Floyd. It was released in November 1971 on the Harvest record label in the UK. The first side of the album comprises 5 tracks including the opener, ‘One of These Days’, while the second side is a single, epic 20 minute track, ‘Echoes’. The cover art is a strange photo of a submerged ear, designed by Storm Thorgerson at Hipgnosis, the trendy design studio of the time. Hipgnosis was famous for creating other Pink Floyd album covers, as well as artwork for other famous rock bands of the time, such as Led Zeppelin, Genesis and Yes. To me, ‘Meddle’ marks a watershed between early Floyd and later Floyd, as well as a personal transition from pop music to serious ‘real’ music. A coming‑of‑age LP in you like.

Why was this album my first? DJ John Peel played the album in its entirety on release on his late night show on Radio One in the UK. I hadn’t heard anything like it before and it ‘blew my mind’ (man!). I guess most people have that ‘one’ album that changed their life. ‘Meddle’ was that one for me. I just had to own a copy. It still stands the test of time today.

“Music is the universal language of mankind” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807‑1882)

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Tailpiece

Well, there you have it. That turned out longer than I’d anticipated and took more time than I had allowed for. I haven’t made much time or space for writing fiction so far. Sigh. Note to self… be more succinct, pithy, brief, concise, epigrammatic, etc. Second note to self… use less tautology.

So, a new perspective and a new side venture for CRAVE Guitars. Not a core CRAVE Guitars activity but a definite spin‑off. ‘They’ say there is nothing like a bit of variety, so a change in style and content for a few articles can’t be a bad thing in my opinion. Right? Remember, you heard about, ‘The Distortion Diaries’ here first. Write on.

You may have noticed that I regularly splatter the odd quote throughout CRAVE Guitars articles. These aren’t just random asides for no reason; they are relevant to the exposition and, hopefully, add some essential colour to an otherwise monochrome pallet of words. This month, the selection of quotes is particularly pertinent and, I hope, a little thought‑provoking. If only my meagre, mediocre mind could articulate such inspiring ideas in so few words.

To quote actor Patrick McGoohan’s character, No. 6 in ‘The Prisoner’ (1967‑1968) TV series, “Be seeing you”.

Truth, peace, love, and guitar music be with you always. Until next time…

CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Quote of the Month’: “I would rather be an anonymous genius than a well‑known idiot”

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