SENSATIONAL SEASONAL SALUTATIONS AND SANGUINE SIMPLICITY this month. A simple salute from a simple somebody with a simple suggestion and a simple story to share. The simple salute is to welcome you once again to the weird and sometimes whacky world of CRAVE Vintage Guitars (or CVG – a new acronym for short! NB. Nothing to do with the 3‑letter Airport Code for Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport). The simple suggestion is an urgent restatement to respect and protect our shared home planet as well as to inject some much‑needed humanity into our fracturing civilisation. The simple story, which will unfold in due course, is a return to a realm of familiar fanciful fun and further fabricated frivolity (with just a simple soupçon of audaciously absurd alliteration, always).
Prelude
So, without further ado, we shall progress on to the simple story. There is not a lot about vintage guitars this month. Instead, the subject matter will return to focus on the simple founder, frontman and heralded hero of CRAVE Guitars. You have met him before and now he’s back for more. I am talking about the one and only The CRAVEman. He may be a simple soul but he has a keen sense of integrity, humility, morals, ethics, valour and an unfailing commitment to nurturing his nascent cherished community. What a guy! Perhaps this article should be called ‘The Awesome Adventures of The CRAVEman’. Seriously though, what’s not to like?
However, I do recognise that this sort of fictional fable may not be to everyone’s taste, so no grudges will be sustained should you wish to defer allocating your intellect to other matters this month and come back when there is something a little more, well, factual and grounded. Not much in the way of tortuous narrative this month; but lots of images for your diligent delectation.
“I cannot say who, precisely, came up with the idea of a Stone Age family” – Joseph Barbera (1911‑2006)
Previously on ‘The CRAVEman Cometh’
You may recall, back in July 2025, that ‘el jefe’ and nom de guerre of CRAVE Guitars was revealed to world in ‘The CRAVEman Cometh’ If you want to revisit his introduction and early exploits, follow the link below (opens in a new tab).
July 2025 – The CRAVEman Cometh
Due to popular demand (well, predominantly my own tbh), I have decided that The CRAVEman deserved a second outing to build on the mythology and to expand on the CRAVEworld (it doesn’t warrant a CRAVEverse yet because, well, he’s a stone age relic isn’t he?). It is here that he strives to eke out an existence within his small semi‑nomadic group while, at the same time, seeking to advance his musical aspirations. I hope you enjoy spending some light‑hearted time with the laudable leader and Rock Guitar God of his prehistoric people.
Full disclosure, the original images for this article were produced using AI and edited (I won’t claim ‘enhanced’) by me. There are a lot of inconsistencies and visual errors that have been left intentionally untouched. The reason for this is twofold. The first is to highlight that AI still has a very long way to go before its outputs can be regarded as genuinely credible. The second is that the faults actually add some fun ‘spot the mistakes’ and continuity flops (as well as, arguably, some peculiar, anomalous charm) to the ridiculous falsity of the whole product. What I will say is that, if creative AI tools weren’t available as a means to an end, there would be no adventures of the The CRAVEman.
Regular readers will know about my observations and opinions on the evolution and utility of AI, highlighting the potential benefits and significant risks of the fledgling technology. This is not the place to reiterate those views. Let’s face it, The CRAVEman is about as artificial as can be, so what’s the harm in representing him artificially through a bit of reflexive irony and satire? Given the evidence presented below, I recommend that you make up your own mind about the divisive worth of AI, past, present and future.
As ever, though, the words are 100% human with no AI intervention whatsoever. I still need to control something. As with the previous prehistoric expedition, a substantial suspension of disbelief is an absolute prerequisite for your investment to be repaid. I must stress that this tawdry tale and imaginary interlude is for entertainment purposes only. There are no serious real‑world insights whatsoever, just rampant ridiculous unreality. Do not try this at home, folks!
“The latest refinements of science are linked with the cruelties of the Stone Age” – Winston Churchill (1874‑1965)
Welcome to CRAVEland (Geography of The CRAVEman’s Domain)
Last time around, we followed The CRAVEman on his adventures in his tribe’s territory. This month, it is time to explore quite what that territory is and why it is so important to his community’s social culture and wellbeing. The clan is essentially a co‑operative with only informal leadership and followers providing any sort of class structure. You may recognise some of the characteristics from The CRAVEman’s previous adventures.
The CRAVEman’s world is located in a Stone Age cool temperate climate generally characterised by warm summers and mild winters with moderate rainfall throughout the year. Temperate regions are found between the tropics and the polar regions. Depending on how far north (or south) one goes, temperate climates are divided into warm temperate and cool temperate regions.
The CRAVEman, along with his compatriots live in a small commune unsurprisingly called CRAVE Town in a region known as CRAVEland. CRAVE Town comprises a group of humble caves situated at the foot of a small but significant mountain range. His hunting grounds include not only the mountains but also the forest, grassland, rivers and sea. All in all, CRAVE Town is a great place for a tribal community to settle, survive and thrive with many natural resources close at hand, such as shelter, security and access to abundant food and water.
There are few serious dangers to impact on the tribe’s wellbeing and prosperity. Wild animals and competing neighbouring tribes from the other side of the mountain range result in occasional risks to their livelihood but, on the whole, peace prevails.
To all intents and purposes, the extent of The CRAVEman’s realm is as far as his tribe can travel and return home safely, resulting in a natural boundary to his domain. Being a simple chap, he doesn’t spend too much time pondering on what might lie beyond the edge of his realm or even further afield.
“Stone Age. Bronze Age. Iron Age. We define entire epics of humanity by the technology they use” – Reed Hastings (1960‑)
The Latest ‘Adventures’ of The CRAVEman
Like last time, there is some sort of story behind the images. Like last time, I’m not going to spoon feed you with any sort of plot. Like last time, I’ll give a hint about his adventures through short captions for each image. You can take that as it comes or you can create your own storyboard and use your imagination to craft your own version of The CRAVEman’s cracking capers. It’s much more fun that way.
I grew up with comic books, manga, comic strips and cartoon stories – everything from Krazy Kat, Peanuts, Garfield, Calvin & Hobbes, Tin Tin, Asterix The Gaul, The early X‑Men, Thor, The Fantastic Four, Spider‑Man, Captain America, Hulk, Dr. Strange, Vampirella, Watchmen, Judge Dredd, V For Vendetta, Maus, Wonder Woman, Superman and my personal favourite, Batman (the darker the better), amongst many others. The diversity of content fired my imagination and inspired my alternative view of the world, albeit somewhat fantastical and a sanctuary from the cruel reality of everyday human existence. It is in that spirit of conjuring fanciful flights of fantasy that I’m alluding to when suggesting that it’s up to you to put your own slant on proceedings. Take it where you want and immerse yourself in his latest experiences.
Guitar Maintenance Time – The CRAVEman giving one of his CRAVE Guitars some essential TLC before it is put to some serious band use with rehearsals and gigs coming up.
Cave Wall Painting – The CRAVEman trying to document and preserved the images of prehistoric CRAVE Guitars for future generations. It is kinda his guitar collection database.
Stone Age Graffiti – The CRAVEman viewing some local graffiti done by some local yoofs on a rock face near CRAVE Town. While not showing outward approval, he kinda digs that his influence is having an effect on the next generation.
CRAVE Guitars Exhibition Time – One of The CRAVEman’s close friends acting as an exhibition curator, showing off some CRAVE Guitars in the hope of inspiring others to take up the cause.
Band Song Writing – The CRAVEman doesn’t rest on his laurels or past hits. He needs to get down and concentrate hard on some serious new song writing for his band and solo projects.
Shopping for New CRAVE Guitars – The CRAVEman suffers from G.A.S. (Gear Acquisition Syndrome) just like his modern counterparts. He travels far and wide to nearby markets to look for new guitars to add to his collection. A prehistoric guitar shop, if you will.
Stone Age Social Media – The CRAVEman needs to promote and market his band’s image, so he sets about some prehistoric ‘social media’ posts. He has to use a clay tablet so that he can spread the word and follow the band.
Pre-Gig Arrangements – The CRAVEman has a drink at the CRAVEpub before his band plays a big gig at the venue. The barman is also a friend and part‑time band manager, event organiser, as well as venue owner, so it’s an important meeting.
Pre-Gig Chat Up – The CRAVEman meeting a couple of CRAVEgirls at the CRAVEpub, getting to know some of his fans and potential future groupies. Times haven’t changed much over the millennia.
The BIG CRAVE Gig – The CRAVEman’s band – The CRAVEband (what else?) – plays a big rock gig at the CRAVEpub in front of many fans, not just his tribe but also from neighbouring friendly ones.
The Gig After Party – In order to capitalise on the big rock gig, the pub landlord also arranged a post-gig music club after party with lots of frivolity and fun for his customers and to celebrate a successful performance by The CRAVEband.
Solo Rehearsal – Not only does The CRAVEman play with The CRAVEband, he likes to rehearse some solo material and engage in a bit of rock music head banging, just for fun and to let his hair down.
Battle of the Stone Age Rock Bands – The CRAVEband isn’t the only rock band in CRAVEland. There are several up‑and‑coming competitors. The landlord of the CRAVEpub organised a ‘Battle of the Bands’ event to celebrate local music talent.
Guitar Lessons – The CRAVEman knows that the future of rock music relies on the next generations taking up his passion. So The CRAVEman also takes time to teach the local CRAVEkids how to play guitar and keep the vibrant scene going.
Family Rock Jam Time – The CRAVEman’s old man drops into the CRAVEcave for a jam session with his son, proving that The CRAVEman is a chip off the old rock.
Chillout Time – After all the community fun playing with The CRAVEband at the CRAVEpub, the after party and the battle of the Stone Age rock bands, The CRAVEman needs some reflection time with his loyal canine buddy, The CRAVEdog, while noodling on his guitar for relaxation.
Outdoor Guitar Practice – On fair days, The CRAVEman likes to sit outside his CRAVEcave and enjoy the clement weather while also taking the opportunity to engage in a bit of idle guitar practice to lift his spirits.
Admiring The CRAVEman’s Guitar Collection – Also on good days, he likes to get his impressive collection of CRAVE Guitars out, set them up outside his CRAVEcave and admire them for what they are, great prehistoric rock guitars. He’s also thinking about what his next CRAVE Guitar might be.
Prayers at the Altar of Rock Guitars – Before retiring for the night, The CRAVEman knows just how privileged he is in his community role and feels obliged to pray to the venerable Rock Gods for his own and his tribe’s good fortune and prosperity.
Time to Settle Down – Coming up to The CRAVEman’s bedtime, he relaxes with his CRAVEdog and does a bit of noodling before retiring at the end of the day to snooze and dream of Rock Godness.
“Ordinary language embodies the metaphysics of the Stone Age” – J.L. Austin (1911‑1960)
Final Thoughts on the Latest Adventures of The CRAVEman
Well, that’s it for now. The CRAVEman has exited stage right and is taking a well‑deserved rest after his latest escapades. Given the season, it is time for his annual hibernation until springtime. However, when I interviewed me, my alter‑ego confided in me (Ed: that’s a disturbing internal dialogue) that he would like to return. As Arnold Schwarzenegger (1947‑) as the T800 cyborg assassin stated in the film, ‘The Terminator’ (1984), “I’ll be back”. Keep your precious peepers peeled for the possibility of further exploits of your favourite Stone Age Rock God! What a non‑living legend!
There is no protracted pretentious pontification for a welcome change this month. No opinion, just a momentary pause in proceedings to reflect on the puerile panoply of prehistoric pictograms.
Finally, The CRAVEman wishes everyone a great start to the Happy Holidays season from Thanksgiving through Christmas to New Year. Have an exceptional time everyone. Here’s The CRAVEman’s Thanksgiving celebration portrait…
“Welcome out of the cave, my friend. It’s a bit colder out here, but the stars are just beautiful” – Plato (c.427‑347BCE)
CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Album of the Month’
Sticking with the Stone Age Rock theme of this month’s article, I’m going back a bit to the heyday of British rock. Appropriately, this month’s accolade goes to…
Deep Purple – Deep Purple In Rock (1970): ‘In Rock’ (for short) was English rock band Deep Purple’s 4th studio album released in June 1970 on the Harvest record label, comprising only seven tracks covering just 44 minutes. The band’s line up at the time was the classic ‘mark II’ membership (Ian Gillan, Ritchie Blackmore, Roger Glover, Jon Lord and Ian Paice). Classic tracks on the album include, ‘Speed King’ and ‘Child In Time’. At the same time as the album, Deep Purple released their complementary classic breakout hit single, ‘Black Knight’ (1970), even though it didn’t appear on the original LP track list.
Deep Purple were on a roll in the early 1970s with subsequent albums such as, ‘Fireball’ (1971), ‘Machine Head’ (1972) and ‘Burn’ (1974). I don’t want to get into the heated debate about what genre this album represents. Some call it heavy metal (it isn’t), some call it classic rock (only in retrospect; at the time it was just rock), some call it hard rock (ditto) or perhaps it is just… rock (probably most apposite). Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, it was great pioneering rock produced during a prolific and innovative period in British and American music. It’s not my personal favourite Deep Purple album; that would be ‘Made In Japan’ (1972). However, ‘In Rock’ is a great album by a massively influential band at the time and it fits the bill for this particular article very nicely. It also showcases the band members’ prodigious musical talents, not least the guitar pyrotechnics of Ritchie Blackmore.
BELIEVE IN MUSIC!
“Maybe when all was said and done, the imagination was the most powerful of all weapons. It was the imagination of the human race that had allowed it to dream of a life beyond cold caves and of a possible future in the stars” – Dean Koontz (1945‑)
Tailpiece
So, my veritable virtual visitors, the time has come for The CRAVEman (and me, in my multiple personality disorder duties) to bid you a flippant fond farewell, at least for the time being. I have a funny feeling that the modern world has not seen the last of The CRAVEman. Watch this space.
Next month’s outpouring is very likely to be a predictable end‑of‑year‑review article, so not too demanding on the real stupidity (as opposed to artificial intelligence) front. Fare thee well from the newly titled CVG, fine friends.
Truth, peace, love, and guitar music be with you always. The CRAVEman, signing off for now. Until next time…
CRAVE Guitars’ ‘Quote of the Month’: “What you will know tomorrow is an accumulation of what you’ve known every day before”
© 2025 CRAVE Guitars – Love Vintage Guitars.